Time tells of an event long ago, when staff and user alike were stripped down, greased up, and sent careening down a monkey pit, were they proceeded to fight for HONOR and GLORY.

Well it's that time of the fucking year again, ladies and gentlemen. The time when, for two blackened days, we cast off the chains of professionalism and let the monstrous horrors within our heads and hearts out into the wild. Grown men weep, antebellum women faint, and everyone in-between barricades their homes in fear as absurd horrors roam the streets of the wiki. My fellow readers and writers, welcome to hell.

Welcome to the Creck Fec Centest 2: Deep Fractures.

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The Contest

You will write a piece of crack fiction for the site. The titles have already been chosen, and there are certain requirements that come with each title. Each level of difficulty will give you the chance to earn more and more points.

The "Winners"

The winners will be determined by a combination of judges and rating. The judges (who are entirely impartial) will be required to drink heavily before scoring, unless they don’t want to.

Bonus points are awarded for selecting higher difficulties. Further bonus points will be awarded if the subject of the story (if applicable) actually upvotes your story. Collusion and coercion are highly encouraged.

The top rated stories will be forever immortalized on this page, one for each catagory, and will recieve the prize of carrying this great shame on their shoulders forever more.

They will ALSO recieve ONE DRAWING BY ME (VaraxousVaraxous) of anything they choose, done in ms paint to the best of my ability.

The Judges

The judges were hand selected by a double blind procedure by a council of elder warrior priests.

Then I forgot and just made it up on the spot.

The ones to blame:

Being Classy

We at Ratmmunity Outreach implore you to be as vulgar and audacious as you possibly can. We're starting trash fires, not lighthouses.

Rules

The basic rules of the contest are as follows:

  1. You must write a story using one of the titles. Once a title is claimed, no one else can write about it. You claim a title by editing this page and adding your name to the end of the title in the provided formatting, replacing the X under the 'claim' column. Once you've posted, edit again and make the title link to your page.
  2. Your entry should be in the 'tale' format. While it may include other elements from the site (SCP excerpts, for example), it should be a tale primarily.
    1. The exception to this rule is the Tiamat category, which must be an SCP, -J or otherwise.
  3. Once posted, you may not delete or edit your entry, regardless of performance. Articles that dip into the deletion range are expected.
  4. Only one title per person.
  5. No Minions©
  6. Judges are given a list of things to look for in each piece of crackfiction, but they are also given the latitude to rule that "they are just too drunk for this shit" and award whatever they want.
  7. Erotica, while not required, is permissible. However, it should be tagged 'adult' and possess a short disclaimer. This disclaimer will not count towards any word count.
  8. Once posted, the entry should be tagged with "af2021".
  9. Coldposting is a virtue.
  10. No whining. Points will be deducted for whining.
  11. Whine. Points will be awarded for whining.
  12. For all the talk about descending into hell and starting trash fires, have some sense. Have fun, but don’t break the site rules.

Time Frame

Two days, starting from right this very fucking moment (April 1st 00:00 CST to April 3rd 00:00 CST). Get to it.

Story Tiers

Bonus points are awarded for selecting a higher tier, as noted. Read above for claiming stories.


Safe

Safe articles have no additional requirements and receive no bonus points. Neener.

Title Claim
The Lizard and I X
Dr. Midaeus and the Ties that Bind Us X
Aktus got Baktus X
ion X bumaro forevurr X
Gamers Rise Up: The Two Veronicas (2002) X
Peanut and Me X
Who was Jared? X
SCP-682 Has Become Unleashed in Time X
Rounderpede Vs King Kong X

Euclid

Euclid articles must have atrocious CSS. Unreadability is a virtue.

Title Claim
Red, White, & Blue Reality X
Debunkle the Uncle X
stop abusing the fucking .s command. You know who you are. X
Author Page Syndrome X
Rose Labelle joins Death Grips X
294 Dispenses Purple Drank siri post tweet X
Dr. Glass’s 2008 Kayaking Log X

eXplained

Explained articles must include a character from a different work of fiction.1 Bonus points will be awarded for both obscurity (the non-Chewbacca Wookie from Attack of the Clones) or popularity (Sans Undertale). Additional points will be given if at least one staff member is made upset in the discussion page.2 Even more points will be awarded for one act of horrible mischaracterization.

Title Claim
Schizoid Android: A Gears x Marvin Story X
106 Takes Manhattan X
Project: CLOWN X
049 x minion x reader (reader is a minion) (blame varaxous im sorry) X
Dr. Cimmerian vs the Grinch X
The Australian Church of Australia Manifesto X
37 Rat Movies Starring Lana Neal X
Gayly Forward Untl Morning X
Talloran Shoots Archduke Franz Ferdinand X

Thaumiel

Thaumiel articles must shoehorn in a moral lesson. Bonus points for the most obscure and absurd lessons, and you lose points if you use the word "weed" in any capacity3, IF anyone notices before the posting period ends. After that, it's bonus points babey!!!!

Title Claim
OCT All Stars to the Rescure! X
Cousin Johnny's Day Off X
The Devil's Lettuce Strikes Back X
Can't Unsuck a Dick X
Kondraki Starts a Fire X
I'm not sarkist, but mehkanites suck X
im so fucking sick of ProcyonLotorProcyonLotor going through my got damn fukn trash at night, like seriously? X
Dr. Gears’ Heated Gaming Moment X
the black rabbit company becomes catholic X
nemes + durand vacation in belgium X

Apollyon

Apollyon articles must involve the SCP Universe interacting with the SCP Wiki and its users. We're looking for hard, unambiguous meta here, folks. Flattering the judges will get you everywhere.

Title Claim
My own author-insert! X
10 mg Focalin and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot on Repeat X
Babies First Conceptual Reconfiguration Array X
You. Me. Denny's Parking lot. Now. X
SCP Wiki Author's Dating Sim X
Zyn says the F-Word X
an anthromorporphic sharpie BREAKS day with facts and logic!!! X
eli and lyris go to whitecastle X
Asa Rutledge has her bones stolen X

Neutralized

Neutralized articles must end with every character dead. The more creative, ignominious, or melodramatic the deaths, the better.

Title Claim
GRANT REQUEST FOR GREENE TO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME X
Critter Profile: A Regular Chihuahua! X
End of Deaf X
ronud ragun cancer while president (OMG SO SAD) X
Captain Kirby to the REscure (a dramady) X
Clef Eats Ass: The Musical X
MAXIMUM OVERBOBBLE X
Tim Wilson KILLS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE!!! X
This User Was Banned For This Post X
the great american meme machine VS the dead hand (ONE NIGHT ONLY) X
Brokeback Site-19: An End of Death Story X

Keter

Marshall, Keter, and Dark. Figure out what the judges mean and we might give you bonus points, cause we sure as shit ain't gonna tell you.

Title Claim
SEXTANK and you: a visual guide X
Danimals X
You have insulted my honor and now you must die: the F███M█████ story…. X
Dr. Charles Anborough Contains Another Fucking Keter X
3 Frozen Lawyers and the Will of a Sun X
What the FUCK is a keter X
Competitive Eschatology 2: Eclectic Boogaloo X
Shark Tank: The One Where They Punch People X
Cack Fiction X
fifthist family picnic X
honey i red-realitied the kids X

Tiamat

Tiamat articles must be posted as an SCP, either on the mainlist, explained list, joke list, or Wanderer's Library. Have fun4.

Title Claim
Dover Boys, Reloaded X
Subtle Killer Morgan Freeman X
An SCP to make Dr. Gears come back X
The First Thing I Learned In Boating School Is… X
Bottleskip X
SCP-3 X

Points are awarded by judges. Additional points are awarded for being translated, if the target of the contest upvotes it, and if it meets the tier requirements. Each tier gets its own winner, as noted above!

Thank you to TroyLTroyL for the original framework and the first Crack Fiction contest, which can be found here. Additionally, a huge thank you to Uncle NicoliniUncle Nicolini and UraniumEmpireUraniumEmpire who, while not judges, helped with everything written here.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License