Ambrose Site-19
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Ambrose Site-19

The following is the menu for Monday, May 20th, 2019. Specials are highlighted in blue.

Breakfast

7AM - 10:30AM

The Form of the Fruit: The Platonic ideal of fruit, these vague grey shapes taste exactly like your favorite fruit. You don’t have to worry about picking out the blueberries, it all tastes like Ambrose Patented Fruit™️!
Nostalgia Breakfast: Your favorite breakfast from growing up, directly synthesized from your thoughts. Don't worry about it not living up to memory - it is the memory.
Big Eater Special: More pancakes than you could possibly ever eat! Take a bite from this massive stack! Previous name removed at request of copy-right holder.
Dragon Egg Omelette: Made from the eggs of draconus domesticus and fully customizable with a choice of meats, vegetables and other toppings.

Lunch

11:30 AM - 2 PM

Infinite Pizza Box: Grab the perfect slice of pizza, just what you're in the mood for at the moment! A Site-19 classic, fondly remembered by many.
Reflavored Soylent: Using simple anomalous cooking techniques, traditional soylent mix has been remade to taste exactly like a milkshake. Has all the same nutritional benefit, but none of the old flavor. Comes in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.
Perfectly Normal Salad: All the choices you could ever want are here: all the veggies, potato and pasta salad, fifteen kinds of dressing and more! Certified within .005 Humes of local baseline reality.
Cockatrice Broth Pho: Don't worry - all the venom from these bad bois is in meat and none in the bones! Tastes like chicken!

Dinner

5 PM - 8 PM

Unlimited Pasta Pot: Another classic from Site-19! An all-you-can eat pasta buffet. Exact kind of noodle determined on a daily basis or at the whims of the pot.
Truly Impossible Burger: This burger technically does not exist, making it completely vegan and meat-free. Not only is it not real meat, it’s not real! All the flavor, no calories!
Burrito Bowl Station: Using Ambrose Patented spacial-warping, we can pack 50% more fillings than physically possible into each tortilla. It's bigger on the inside!
Thaumiel Cakes: Replicas of your favorite Keter Cakes, requested by popular demand. Don’t worry, you don’t have to eat every crumb — though with how good these things are, feel free to anyway!
Peanut Butter Pudding: It's okay: this only looks and smells like everybody's favorite orange blob! A tribute to a Site-19 celebrity!
Ambrose Surf and Turf: Locally sourced from an eternally floating sphere of salt water in Three Portlands and a nearby free-range cattle farm, this meal is totally organic!

New Mess Hall Catering Services

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Jack Bright
Site-19 Director
LVL 5

2019-5-28

A frequent complaint from Site-19 personnel has been over the options in the on-site cafeteria, which we have tried multiple times to rectify. However, we have been held back by the lack of solid catering options that fit the rigorous and demanding security requirements that the Foundation needs (which exclude practically all civilian companies, owing to the need for secrecy and concealment of the anomalous).

Previous attempts at contracting such groups (such as a brief period where Burger King was contracted at Site-19) were unsuccessful, as security was routetinely breached. Such a solution proved untenable for the long term, unfortunately.

However, I am happy to announce that we have been able to secure a contract with the esteemed Ambrose Restaraunts and will be converting the cafeteria into a branch of their restaraunt chain. The current meal point system will remain unchanged, although some items may change in price over the next few days.

The contract with Ambrose Restaurants will allow us a better range of testing with certain anomalies and greatly improved food. Three of Ambrose's top chefs will be responsible for all catering and menu design, as well as dish development. There are currently plans for Test Kitchen nights on a monthly basis, at least.

I would like to invite all personnel to a luncheon on the Site-19 lawn from 11:00 to 1:00 tomorrow for lunch, catered by Ambrose Restaraunts, to sample the new food selections.

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Sturmatem
Head Janitor
LVL 1

2019-5-29

I've been a Foundation janitor for a long time. Cleaned up more than a few containment breaches in my time. Soda that turns people into brainwashed soldiers, tomatoes that launch themselves at comedians, so many people have died to… food.

Thankfully, that's not all Ambrose has here. There's enough of a smattering of other options that I was able to get a good meal from the luncheon: the Mr. Hungry Pancake Special was some of the best hotcakes I've had in years (although I haven't eaten breakfast off-site in over a decade…) and the Salad Bar being verified 1.0 Humes is relaxing.

I might try some of the other food, but I'll let others have the first try. Not so keen on trusting all their safety signage and assurances at first. Maybe later?

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Dr. Stone
Doctor
LVL 3

2019-5-29

If I'm honest, I'm more just happy that they SERVE dinner around here now. Before, the cafeteria closed at around 4 PM and anyone with a late shift had to either bring food from elsewhere or live on vending machines!

As a vegan, I'm definitely impressed with the take on the Impossible Burger Trend. It's a genuinely satisfying meal, both in terms of feeling full and feeling guilt-free! I wouldn't dare eat the pudding though. Although I've been assured that it's just normal pudding, I swear that I've seen it jiggle on its own. Not going to take that risk.

If this place were on Yelp, it would get an easy 5 stars from me! A cafeteria that actually cares about the food that it's pumping out, instead of just processed slop that exploits people and their money!

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Alto Clef
Agent
LVL 4

2019-5-29

Guess I'm the only one that remembers the good ol' days of how we used to operate. Can't imagine the original Jack ever go along with this. What would Adam say, Bright?

So we're selling out now? We're giving on the ideals of containment and just rolling over to every new group that pops up. First the pet shelter, now the restaurant. Next, we'll be handing books over to the Hand. What happened to throwing anomalies in a cage to never be seen again? We're supposed to eat them now?


FUCK OFF

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C.O. Gears
Doctor
LVL 4

2019-5-29

So we're selling out now? We're giving on the ideals of containment and just rolling over to every new group that pops up, huh? What happened to throwing anomalies in a cage to never be seen again? We're supposed to eat them now?

Dr. Clef, the terms of the contract are mutually beneficial to both parties. Ambrose Restaurants posed the ability to consistently avert containment and safety precautions and controlled regulation allows moderation of danger to the public. Thus, the relationship is actually a renewal of previous ideals of containment as best as possible, rather than an abandonment of such.

The Site-19 Cafeteria development was merely a side-effect of a general feeling of cooperation between Ambrose Restaurants and the Foundation, rather than the primary goal. As stated above, there were necessary reasons for a new catering service. Additionally, anomalous food items will only be served after extensive.

Furthermore, many of the items being incorporated into the Site-19 cafeteria were already open for staff consumption: I remember sharing many pizza slices with you myself.

Edit: I do suppose this forum is intended for reviews for the food itself. It was good.

SITE-19 ANOMALOUS FOOD ACCORDS

Between Ambrose Restaurants and the Foundation


Site Director Jack Bright, on behalf of the SCP Foundation and Site-19, and Chaz Ambrose, on behalf of Ambrose Restaurants, agree to the following:

1. Chaz Ambrose and Marius [Unnamed] will occupy and renovate the Site-19 Cafeteria for the purposes of opening an Ambrose Restaurant location. For further details, see sections A-6 through A-8.

2. Chaz Ambrose and Marius [Unnamed] will occasionally be given Safe-class, re-creatable and replenishable food-based anomalies for the purposes of creating dishes for their restaurants. Any and all experiments regarding granted anomalies are to be recorded and given to Foundation Researchers, regardless of result or intended result. For further details, see section A-2 and sections A-9 through A-10.

3. The SCP Foundation is to regulate Ambrose locations worlds-wide regarding their advertising, food content and sponsorship programs, particularly locations that threaten major veil breaches such as Ambrose San Francisco. For further details, see sections B-2 through B-4.

4. The SCP Foundation is to receive regular updates regarding Ambrose Restaurants, Ambrose employees and Ambrose enterprises as they occur. Chaz Ambrose and Marius [Unnamed] are to supply these updates personally, and are to not omit any information that would be pertinent to the previously listed. For further details, see sections B-4 through B-7.

5. Ambrose Restaurants will follow a strict guideline as provided by the SCP Foundation for minor veil dissemination protocols in locations determined by the SCP Foundation. Should Ambrose Restaurants attempt to purposefully violate any of the guidelines provided regards veil dissemination, this contract will be voided in entirety. For further details, see sections B-6 through B-8, as well as SCP-2217-Thaumiel.


A Statement From the SCP Foundation: "In the face of futility, often times cooperation is the key to overcome it. Futile is the only word that I personally can think of when describing the relationship between Ambrose Restaurants and the SCP Foundation. Ambrose would constantly push their franchise into more dangerous locations, and the Foundation would push back. Neither side would stop, neither side was crippled enough to counterattack. It was a game, almost, and it likely would have continued as such until this contract was created. In a time where normalcy is threatened, allies are more important than pride, and so this is where our paths have crossed. We at the SCP Foundation only wish for continued civility, not for our sake, but for the sake of the people we must protect."

A Statement From Ambrose Restaurants: "On behalf of Ambrose, we are more than excited to be in a position of collaboration, instead of a position of hostility. It's always been a staple of our business to give the best food to the most people, and I'm more than happy to finally get that realized to its fullest. As instructed, we've already gotten plans laid out for major locations; Seattle, Moscow, Dubai, Tokyo, the works. If things go smoothly, we should have them up and running by late October this year. It's nostalgic, really; when I worked at Old Sandy's, just watching the food being made opened me up to a whole new world, a lifestyle that I could learn about and immerse myself in. Now with Ambrose, I hope to do the same with the anomalous for a new generation."


Signed:

Jack Bright

Chaz Ambrose

Jack Bright, Site-19 Director

Chaz Ambrose, Ambrose Restaraunts Owner

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