I'm disappointed. Not even mad, just disappointed. Do you remember how many times we told you not to mess around with the 001 file? That you could die if you even clicked on it? About 128 times in all throughout the base Foundation training, and that's just for employees with a Level 2 clearance— but you still decided to snoop around.
That takes guts. Or a massive amount of stupidity. You must've scrolled past the kill agent, hmm? I bet you were terrified when you first saw it, thinking you were going to drop dead. But you're reading this now, aren't you? That's because there's no such things as kill agents. Do you wanna know what that image you saw was?
The 'kill agent' is actually a highly edited photo of the mangled body parts of the last snob who tried to access this file. A killed agent, if you will.
But now, all because of you, I'm going to have to get my hands dirty again. Then I'm gonna have to traumatize the unpaid intern by making him take pictures of your splattered intestines, edit them into some trippy 'kill agent,' and make up a bullshit sciencey name to accompany it on the 001 page. What a fucking monster you are. Do you know the intern? His name is Kevin, and he's the best thing about this idiotic Foundation, and you're going to corrupt him.
Oh, and then the 05s are gonna get up my ass about changing the 'kill agent' again, because of some harebrained rule about 'confidentiality' and editing the 001 page, but I'm the fucking Administrator, so I can do what I want.
God.
Now, by the time you're done reading this, I'm already going to be behind you with a hammer. Have fun getting your brains splattered across your monitor, you fucking imbecile.
- The Administrator