Colorful Honey
rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a modified insectoid containment chamber to allow egress and ingress of SCP-XXXX-1 instances, should it be activated. The SCP-XXXX-1 swarm is to be cared for normally by an apian entity specialist.

Honey produced by SCP-XXXX-1 is not to be ingested. Testing is indefinitely postponed to prevent vermin and pest infestation.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a large device, its primary components being a computer with a Windows XP OS and a Warre hive.1 The metallic surface of SCP-XXXX has a logo imprinted on it depicting a cartoonish wasp hive and "HIVE DETAILING & RESTORATION MIDWEST, LLC" underneath it, as well as a sticker with a service phone number.

The computer attached to SCP-XXXX has one program installed. Executing the program leads to a choice of 256 colors, allowing for the selection of one. Once the color has been confirmed, a progress bar will appear and SCP-XXXX will begin vibrating and humming lightly. At this time, a swarm of unnaturally colored bees, designated SCP-XXXX-1, will become active and exit through a porthole at the top of the device. Observation of these instances concludes that they leave to gather flower nectar.

Once the SCP-XXXX-1 swarm returns, they will begin producing honey of the color selected. Depending on the color, this process could take anywhere between 30-90 minutes.

D-Class testing has shown that the honey produced by SCP-XXXX-1 is harmful to ingest in excess. Side-effects can be as mild as brief diarrhea and vomiting, and can be as severe as plasticization of stomach lining and death in small animals. In all cases, the tongue, teeth, inside of cheeks, and internal organs will turn the color of the consumed honey, lasting for two weeks at most.


Addendum - First Attempt to Contact:

Interviewer: Dr. Graham Cortez

Foreword: On May 6th, 2019, an attempt to contact the manufacturer was made by calling the service number located on SCP-XXXX. Dr. Cortez was provided a set of questions to ask while an origin trace was conducted.


<Begin Log>

Call is initiated. Line rings once before it is picked up. Loud buzzing can be heard in the background.

Male Voice: "Hive Detailing and Restoration Midwest LLC", customer maintenance, Albeert speaking.

Dr. Cortez: Hello, this is Graham calling, and I—

Male Voice: Hey, could you speak faster? I can't understand what you're saying.

Dr. Cortez: … excuse me? You can't understand me because I'm speaking t—

Male Voice: Ugh! Awful, just awful. I said. Can. You. Speak. Faster. Sir-or-ma'm?

Dr. Cortez: Uh, yes, I can. I just wanted to ask about the—

Male Voice: Still too slow. Look, I don't have time to try and pick out what you're saying so if you could just call back after you've figured out what you want to say as you're saying it or get a lady on the line that'd be perfect.

Dr. Cortez: Hold on, excuse me. How would a woman be easier to talk to than me?

Male Voice: Because they naturally talk faster! Bye!

Call is disconnected.

<End Log>


Closing Statement: Origin trace failed due to insufficient time.


Addendum - Second Attempt to Contact:

Interviewer: Dr. Madison Tell

Foreword: On May 7th, a second attempt was made to contact the manufacturer of SCP-XXXX. Dr. Tell was instructed to ask critical questions about the purpose of SCP-XXXX while an origin trace was conducted.


<Begin Log>

Call is initiated. Line rings once before it is picked up. Loud buzzing can be heard in the background.

Albeert: "Hive Detailing and Restoration Midwest LLC", customer maintenance, Albeert speaking.

Dr. Tell: Hello, I'd like a moment to ask some questions about one of your beehives?

Albeert: Alright, can do. Which one, 'cause we got a lot of 'em.

Dr. Tell: The one with the colored honey.

Albeert: … huh. The thing about that one is it isn't for sale. Hasn't been since no one in the construction industry knows how to take care of bees, go figure. Where'd you find it?

Dr. Tell: That's not important. Did you say "construction"?

Albeert: I did. Because it's a tool. For construction.

Dr. Tell: How so?

Albeert: What do you mean "how so"? I think its kind of obvious, miss.

Dr. Tell: It really isn't. How is poisonous honey any good for construction?

Albeert: Well, it isn't so much that it's poisonous, but that it's colorful and sticks really w— hold on, "poisonous"?

Approximately 4 seconds of silence, save for background buzzing noise.

Albeert: … you aren't eating it are you?

Dr. Tell: It's honey. People eat honey.

Albeert: You're serious.

Dr. Tell: Yes.

Albeert: Oh, come on! Did your mom never tell you not to eat paint when you were a kid?! You don't eat the stuff; you smear it on walls! You monkey-brains always go straight for the plate when it comes down to it because it couldn't possibly be anything else, right?

At this moment, two abrupt noises are heard, assumed to be phone fumbling.

Albeert: (distant) Agh!

Call is disconnected.

<End Log>


Closing Statement: Origin trace failed due to insufficient time.


Addendum - Third Attempt to Contact:

Interviewer: Dr. Melanie Wallenhide

Foreword: On May 8th, a third attempt was made to contact the manufacturer of SCP-XXXX. Dr. Wallenhide was instructed to ask critical questions about the manufacturer of SCP-XXXX while an origin trace was conducted.


<Begin Log>

Call is initiated. Line rings twice before it is picked up. Loud buzzing can be heard in the background.

Albeert: What do you want?

Dr. Wallenhide: No "hello, this is so-and-so speaking" this time?

Albeert: Yeah, well no one's called this number in a long while. I gave you the benefit of the doubt the first few times. You know. Assuming, and all that.

Dr. Wallenhide: Right. We'll jump right to it, then. Just wanted to discuss the device. Why bees?

Albeert: They're ideal workers. Next question.

Dr. Wallenhide: Why honey for paint?

Albeert: Don't have to pay for labor, hardly any wasted resources or unwanted byproduct. Next question.

Dr. Wallenhide: Why… why are you rushing through this?

Albeert: I want you people to stop talking to me. Next question.

Dr. Wallenhide: Alright, listen, Albeert. I get it. I'd much rather be talking to anyone else, too. You can keep dismissing us this way, but the calls stop when we say they stop. This doesn't have to be painful. Just cooperate and we'll stop calling.

Albeert: (sighs) Look, we tried to get along with you the first time. We gave it an honest try with a bunch of things. The Hive Painter was one of them, but people don't know how to take care for the most vital and living components, not to mention that the first buyers misunderstood the purpose of the thing. So, yeah, I'm kind of bitter about it.

Dr. Wallenhide: It's still honey. What did you expect to happen?

Albeert: Me? I didn't expect it to do well in the first place. Nothing goes right when we try to force this cooperation thing. Whole thing has been forcing its way down the shitter since forever ago. Do I get listened to? No! I'm just a piece of the big ol' bug engine. If I had it my way, we'd be keeping to ourselves.

(At this moment, operators signal a near complete trace.)

Dr. Wallenhide: Well, thanks for your time today. We'll be leaving you alone soon. Last question before we go: Who made the painter? Was it you?

Albeert: I didn't make it. The big guys did. They're really invested in the mission. Guess they figured this was another part of it.

Dr. Wallenhide: What do you mean, "the mission"?

Albeert: I already told you: Cooperation. Whatever that means anymore.

<End Log>


Closing Statement: Origin trace conducted successfully. Results led to holding chamber for SCP-XXXX.

**Valued Critters: [[*user Uncle Nicolini]]
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