Deer College SB Info

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Nobody actually reads this part.

I: Really Hope This Isn't Too Late for Wednesday's MCS
You: Should come to FTFBall
FTFBall: This Friday! 10pm to 2am! Playing all of Futanari Titwhore Fiasco's best hits!
It: Will be the biggest and best ball of the semester!!!!

you: sent in a MC about how you got "lost in the great lawn" and how i "guided you to safety with my pale fire"
you: just took too much LSD
i: simply walked out to the lawn with an electric lantern and pointed you to ODB
you: acted like i was an angel?
i: guess you can contact me if you want

we: have had some classes together
we: have basically never spoken
you: showed up in my dreams
i: woke up with a crush on you
you: never do that again

you: caused the following sign to manifest in my living room
you: why
is: the offer legit

you: the STEM major in my Hum 111 conference
please: shut the fuck up

you: have some magic LSD I can buy
you: maybe some of that Manifold Temple stuff?
please: hit me up
i: really want to trip

You: are so cool and pretty
you: should be my pal forever
the: yelled something at us that i imagined to have been friendly words
we: went rafting with someone who looked shockingly similar to your dog

I: Need participants for my 'Pataphysics/Comp Sci thesis study
You: Just have to answer a play a short narrative-based video game for 15-30 minutes
The Game: Has no harmful/lasting effects to you
You: Get ticket for Metaphysics thesis lottery ($50 gift card reward), snacks (soda, pizza & candy) , thesis karma (real, accepted by most deities), thesis karma (fake, accepted by most Reedies)

you: cutie without a face in my phil class
i: think your super cute
you: don't have a mouth
i: still want to make out with you

you: won't read this until after FTFBall
I: hope I find you at the ball

I have gotten myself onto the roof of the Student Union and cannot get myself down. FTFBall is about to begin and there is no obvious way onto down. Somebody please help me.

you: have a few hours of free time
you: are interested in Cryptozoology (casually, professionally or academically)
you: should consider volunteering at Wilson's Wildlife Solutions on the Weekends
we: always could use help with all the critters!
you: don't need any skills to help out

MC7: went off with some weird pro-SCP rant last Sunday
are: we seriously doing this discourse again
please: can we just not

To the writer of Missed Connection #7,
You sent in a long response in defense of the SCP Foundation on Sunday. I am assuming that you are simply a freshman who has not had time to acclimate to campus culture, because dude what the fuck. The SCP Foundation has a long history of oppression against both anomalous society as a whole and against multiple anomalous cultures. Their various atrocities do not make up for the alleged benefits they create of "protecting the world". In fact, many of the problems they have to deal with only exist because of the lack of a common culture surrounding the occult.
Sources: Literally any book from the library or the Library that talks about the Foundation

you: guy with brown hair and glasses in Hum 111 lecture
me: girl with brown hair and glasses in Hum 111 lecture
you: are super cute.
you: know who you are (and who I am)
you: should text me
i: will be making this one anonymous


I just woke up on top of the Student Union. I realize that this is a poor way to get in contact with anyone but tying scraps of paper to messenger pigeons and throwing them at the Student Body Office is my only hope. I am still up here.

It has been forty eight hours and I am still on top of the Student Union. I have had to kill and eat raw pigeons to survive. Help

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