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Item #: SPC-XXXX

Object Class: TK/O'd

Selachian Pugilization Contingencies: SPC-XXXX is currently being displayed in the office of Senior Pugilist Chauncy MacGreaves as a reminder of his pugilistic prowess. In the wake of recent events, Junior Pugilists are no longer permitted access to SPC-XXXX. All emissions are to be confiscated and disposed of given to Senior Pugilist MacGreaves.

Description: SPC-XXXX is an adult male Bull-Class Selachian Entity1 that is believed to have a spacial anomaly in lieu of a gastrointestinal system. When pugilized in the abdominal region, SPC-XXXX will typically forcefully expel an item from its mouth. The nature of these items are highly variable2, and prior to recent events, acquisition of an emission was considered an informal rite of passage for all prospective Junior Pugilists.

Addendum XXXX-1: Abridged log of SPC-XXXX emissions.

Junior Pugilist Emission Other Information
Francis Willikard Arkansas License Plate # 639 KDH Instance was found mounted inside of Junior Pugilist Willikard's storage locker.
Derek Adams Pearl Masterworks 9 Piece Drum Kit Adams was found in the Center break room playing a drum solo that has been going on for long enough to make everyone wish the next song would start.
Brian Abernathy Sony FDR-AX53 Video Camera Turned in to Senior Pugilist MacGreaves by Junior Pugilist Abernathy. The SD card on the camera contained 53 minutes and 12 seconds of selachian coitus. Junior Pugilist Abernathy requested formal amnesia induction treatment, which was denied on account of the Shark Punching Center's recently terminated contract with Louisville Slugger.
Steve O'Brien Firestone Destination A/T 33x12.50 Tire Instance was found next to an unconscious Junior Pugilist O'Brien. O'Brien has since been dismissed from the Shark Punching Center for being K/O'd by a selachian that had already been defeated.
Hunter Madison Roost-and-Root Walk-In Chicken Coop Found locked, containing eight hens, a rooster, and Junior Pugilist Madison.
Jacob Wallace A complete and polished set of plate armor, circa 1500 Junior Pugilist Wallace has requested to keep the armor, which was denied on the account that we'll look like damn cowards and we aren't damn cowards.
Taylor Barber RDS-220 Hydrogen Bomb The next person to touch this fucking shark is getting whatever it barfs up next shoved up their ass.

Addendum XXXX-2: Further Study
Following SCP-XXXX's emission of an RDS-220 Hydrogen Bomb, Shark Punching Center eggheads performed a very fucking lame vivisection of the selachian. Internally, SPC-XXXX was not found to be different from a non-anomalous member of its species. SPC-XXXX is currently pending reclassification to "Explained".

Addendum XXXX-3: Cowabunga Committee Mandate
Per a unanimous decision by the Cowabunga Committee, reclassification to "Explained" was denied. In the interest of continued selachian ass-kickin', a reclassification to "Pulverized" is currently ongoing.

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