basically my pacing and pathos are shit here. halp plz.

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized (formerly Euclid)

Archived Containment Procedures: Foundation web crawlers are to monitor and track any mention of SCP-XXXX and Foundation AI construct TSATPWTCOTTTADC is to filter any web searches for dietary supplements and weight loss pills to not include results that are linked to SCP-XXXX. In addition to monitoring the internet for activity, TSATPWTCOTTTADC is to continuously place orders at a rate of 500 a month for various instances of SCP-XXXX-1.1. These orders are to be kept reasonable in size and are to be sent to various Foundation front organizations. All instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are to be transferred to Site-162 and stored in standard safe class item lockers.

Any information that may lead to the capture of the Person of Interest "dado" is to be logged.

Archived Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous website operating under the domain "www.dadofixurbelly.yes"2 whose primary purpose is to sell a series of holistic health products, collectively referred to as SCP-XXXX-13. The website displays an anomalous resistance to Foundation takedown efforts and will coordinate aggressive advertisement campaigns to bolster low sales figures4.

Addendum XXXX-1: Incident XXXX-1
On 23 March 2016, 10 days after the implementation of initial containment procedures for SCP-XXXX, TSATPWTCOTTTADC detected a series of intrusive online advertisements for SCP-XXXX and its various products. In addition to the online ad campaign, 248 billboards with similar advertisements appeared across the continental United States.

In response, Mobile Task Force Chi-11 ("Black Highlighters") were deployed to remove the billboards and coordinate Disinformation Campaign X-32 ("Just A Prank, Bro"). To prevent further large-scale anomalous advertisement campaigns of this nature, TSATPWTCOTTTADC was instructed to begin purchasing SCP-XXXX-1 products from SCP-XXXX. To date, this method has proven effective at providing the illusion of popularity, and no further ad campaigns have been conducted on behalf of SCP-XXXX5.

Addendum XXXX-2: Instances of SCP-XXXX-1

Product Title and Launch Date Product Description6 Anomalous Effects
"rolls b gon wrap"
many year ago, dado found spankx and think "hm why the clothes corporations assault fine customers?" but then dado thought of the belly jelly roll hold it in technology and dodged all the suit lawyers and now u have rolls b gon wrap by dado to be a skinny minnie. Regular wearers of the product will experience a 12% reduction in body fat on average and increased definition of the abdominal muscles.
"shakes for what replace the meals"
as u may no, dado is busy fellow. maker of fine pharmaceutical and also fry cook has no time to be of wasting. this is why dado has now introduce the new shakes for what replace the meals, for times when u are busy as bee. u trust dado, owner of successful dadofixurbelly llc and maker of all fine dado product. Regular ingestion of the recommended dosage of the product will result in an average 15% reduction in body fat, increased metabolism, and digestive regulation.
"supplement by dado"
dado has strong and loyal fan base, and dado see that more product is wanted by the people, so dado return to the roots and make the supplement by dado. effects here
"euclid lip tusk oil"
"today is good day to be dado yes? many new customers enjoying fine dado product and also grocery store. rolls b gone selling fast so now u try oils done old fashioned style with greasy elbows. dado only use finest ingredients to make euclid lip tusk oil." Inhaling the vapors that are emitted by the oil on a regular basis will induce a variety of beneficial health effects in different subjects, ranging from decreased allergen sensitivity to increased serotonin levels.
"smooth like bezo head face mask"
dado know many famous business come from the garage. fine capitalists like page and bezo started in garage, so dado think he start from garage too. Effects

Two weeks after the launch of the "smooth like bezo head face mask", SCP-XXXX became inaccessible and is no longer an active web page. SCP-XXXX has been reclassified as Neutralized.

Product 1: Standard dado
Product 2: excited dado, standard effects
Product 3: hardworking/tired dado, increased energy effects
Product 4: very tired dado, boosts serotonin
Product 5: exhausted and burned out dado, low effort/no effects

Potential Idea: mass email by dado to front agencies

Special thanks to:
LaneousLaneous for the idea brainstorm sesh in chat
TanhonyTanhony for the item description idea from his seminar
rattlesrattles and gee0765gee0765 for their advice on specific executional matters
Nameless MediocreNameless Mediocre and [[RockTeethMothEyes]] for like everything

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