SCP-XXXX: Selfish Preservation

A jar of fluid secreted by SCP-XXXX

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in a minimal cell outfitted with a padded basin moulded to its body, featuring multiple drainage ports on the underside. SCP-XXXX is supplied with nutrients and water via a removable face-mask, which can be triggered to dispense halothane or benzodiazepines in the event that it appears to be in distress. Staff interacting with SCP-XXXX are to wear Type-1 respirators and have a rotation period of no less than six weeks, in order to minimise the long-term health effects of formaldehyde exposure.

Once every two weeks, a member of D-Class personnel should swab SCP-XXXX's skin and orifices for bacterial or fungal contamination — if any is found, a team of D-Class overseen by a Senior Researcher are to fully decontaminate the entity's soft tissues. The solution produced by the entity is to be stored in Fluid Warehouse 9, and transported by personnel with level II or higher Chemical Handling Proficiency, as determined by the Foundation Chemistry Division. Objects produced in zeta (ζ) events are to be handled by the Site-06-3 on-duty HMCL Supervisor on a case-by-case basis.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a human male of indeterminate age whose organic tissue constantly secretes an impure aqueous solution of formaldehyde and methanol in place of most other organic compounds or mixtures — neither sweat, mucus, saliva, blood plasma, bile, lymph, digestive fluid, tears, or aqueous humour are produced by the entity. SCP-XXXX's cells are unanimously non-functional, and it appears to be effectively immortal.

Due to its condition, SCP-XXXX is blind and largely deaf, and previous nasopharyngeal cancers¹ have eliminated its capacity for speech. Large portions of its skin are missing due to the lack of most biological healing and constant tissue erosion, and the embalming properties of its secreted solution render it unable to move without great difficulty. While SCP-XXXX expresses a psychological need for food, water, and oxygen, displaying psychosomatic symptoms and distress if they are withheld, the preservation of its body appears to negate all normal biological requirements. SCP-XXXX has successfully endured up to nine weeks without food or water, displaying no physical deterioration during this time.

Once every 18 days (±15 hours), SCP-XXXX will undergo a ζ event, during which time it will violently convulse, tense all muscles, and slowly expel from its mouth a single mason jar (diameter 20 cm) filled with chemically pure water. In approximately 90% of cases, this jar will also contain a single object or document related to SCP-XXXX in some way². Despite being submerged in water, all objects will be in perfect condition upon their retrieval, and will remain undamaged while within their respective jar. To date, such objects have included:

• Small denominations of coinage.
• A pocket watch, polished but unwound.
• A birth certificate identifying SCP-XXXX as one "Richard L. Hoffmann"
• A dog collar.
• A sepia-toned photograph of SCP-XXXX (presumably pre-anomaly) and a young woman, sitting in front of a canal.
• Pages of notebooks containing diary entries, small watercolour paintings, and poems centred around the themes of rebirth, youth, and impermanence.
• Glass phials of the solution secreted by SCP-XXXX.
• A sketch of an idyllic countryside scene, featuring SCP-XXXX, the woman from the aforementioned photograph, and two young children, standing in front of a cottage. All but SCP-XXXX are smiling.
• A pair of spectacles (broken).
• An ornate dinner-plate (broken, recovered in fragments).
• Copies of various fiction and non-fiction works, all published prior to 1868.
• Small, secondary mason jars, containing water, highly reactive solvents, motor oil, or blood plasma.
• Pages of notebooks containing hundreds of intricate sketches of industrial machinery.
• A silver locket engraved with the words "forever mine" (empty).
• A fire-damaged letter (illegible), in a different hand to the previous diary entries.
• Multiple infant teeth.
• Drawings of the chemical structures of methanol, formaldehyde, and glutaraldehyde.
• Used matches.
• A single human heart, salted.

Following the ζ event, SCP-XXXX will be completely unable to perceive the contained object, and its capacity to conceptualise the object's existence will vanish completely in the following hours. 1,802 objects have been expelled from SCP-XXXX since its containment.

Footnotes

1. Likely the result of formaldehyde exposure, with numerous tumours now consisting of dead, stiffened tissue.

2. Presumed. The origins of many items are yet unknown.

notes!

Thanks to:

• Weryllium
• Mortos

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6:11 PM <Mortos> MaliceAF: "event that the entity appears to be in distress" I'd just say "it appears to be in distress"
6:11 PM <Mortos> oh also no way is this a Safe
6:11 PM <Mortos> this is Euclid
6:11 PM <Mortos> "Objects produced in ζ "
6:11 PM <Mortos> I have no idea to pronounce that, which means I find it irritating to read
6:12 PM <&BusyVolt> Zeta, I’m pretty sure
6:12 PM <&MaliceAF> ^
6:12 PM <&MaliceAF> yeah
6:12 PM <Mortos> MaliceAF: "on-duty HMCL Supervisor" obligatory railing against HMCL nonsense
6:12 PM <Mortos> although at least it's vaguely appropriate here
6:12 PM <&MaliceAF> I'll refer to it as Zeta the first time
6:13 PM <&MaliceAF> I like 'em, and will continue to use them as much as I damn well please :P
6:13 PM <Mortos> Liason Supervisor makes even less sense
6:13 PM <Mortos> for the record
6:13 PM <&MaliceAF> "SCP-XXXX-2 begins making grunting sounds, and its "face" begins animating rapidly from side to side, suggesting that it is trying to forcibly remove itself from SCP-XXXX-1." — not sure you need this sentence to be identical in both logs
6:13 PM <Mortos> maybe not
6:14 PM <Mortos> I shall try and find something to change it to
6:15 PM <Mortos> MaliceAF: " aqueous saline solution of formaldehyde and methanol" saline solution is a pretty specific thing. I'd say "aqueous solution of salt, blah and blah"
6:15 PM <Mortos> not sure the first footnote is necessary
6:15 PM <&MaliceAF> oh, is it?
6:15 PM <&MaliceAF> I thought it just meant a solution of salt
6:16 PM <Mortos> well, yes, a solution of salt and water
6:16 PM <Mortos> it stops being saline when you add other stuff
6:16 PM <&MaliceAF> gotcha
6:17 PM <Mortos> "SCP-XXXX's cells are unanimously non-functional, and it appears to be functionally immortal."
6:17 PM <Mortos> functional twice here
6:17 PM <Mortos> suggest changing the second to "effectively" or something similar
6:18 PM <Mortos> second footnote also appears unnecessary
6:20 PM <Mortos> footnote 4, too
6:20 PM <Mortos> " unable to either perceive, or conceptualise the existence of, the contained object."
6:21 PM <Mortos> move the second comma to after "conceptualise"
6:21 PM <Mortos> MaliceAF: ok done
6:25 PM <Mortos> I like yours, its very odd, but I feel its kind of ambiguous
6:25 PM <Mortos> like, I think I kind of get whats going on, but not really how or why
6:26 PM <Mortos> like, im assuming the salted human heart belongs to the woman in the photo and he "preserved" her and himself somehow
6:27 PM <&MaliceAF> good, yeah, that comes across
6:27 PM <Mortos> I honestly have no idea HOW you'd do it, but maybe trying to communicate that the guy was a little unstable or something through those retrieved items would help
6:27 PM <Mortos> it might not be necessary, but everything in the items makes him seem nice and normal
6:28 PM <Mortos> until he did all this obviously, heh
6:28 PM <Mortos> I would probably upvote this (ignoring the automatic downvote i guess everything that uses HMCL :P )
6:29 PM <&MaliceAF> mind me asking *why* you don't like it?
6:29 PM <Mortos> but I feel theres a collection of objects that could be in this list that would really help cement the whole creepy factor of it
6:30 PM <Mortos> because its goddamn nonsense, it was a random collection of letters from 173 that people have retroactively tried to ascribe meaning to, almost no one uses it correctly in the context of that ascribed meaning (im pretty sure this is literally the first article that DOES)
6:30 PM <Mortos> and half the time people get the order of the letters wrong
6:30 PM <Mortos> but I am well aware its just a personal bugbear, heh
6:33 PM <&MaliceAF> fair¬
6:33 PM <&MaliceAF> *fari!
6:33 PM <&MaliceAF> oh ffs
6:33 PM <&MaliceAF> *fair!
6:33 PM <&MaliceAF> Mortos: what kind of objects were you thinking?
6:34 PM <Mortos> maybe something like uhm
6:34 PM <XilasCrowe> High Magnitude Corrupted Learning
6:34 PM <Mortos> moving the silver locket up a bit, and one of the items following that is some note to (or from) the woman implying shes cheating on him or something
6:34 PM <Mortos> or that he THINKS she is, but she actually isnt
6:35 PM <Mortos> you have some diary pages in there, maybe just a few more details specifically from those
6:35 PM <Mortos> paranoid ravings or some such
6:36 PM <Mortos> nothing too extreme, just enough to say "yeah this guy is kind of creepy/nuts/whatever"
6:36 PM <&MaliceAF> I think I get what you mean
6:37 PM <Mortos> like, you could craft a timeline with them
6:37 PM <&MaliceAF> (you're very good at this. It's twice recently you've pointed me in the right direction :P)
6:37 PM <Mortos> happy family, guy is a little paranoid, gets worse, builds nightmare machine, human heart
6:37 PM <Mortos> heh, thanks
6:38 PM <&MaliceAF> maybe ticket stubs that go from being two seats to one
6:39 PM <Mortos> hmm
6:39 PM <Mortos> tickets to what in the 1800s though
6:39 PM <Mortos> did they even HAVE tickets back then?
6:39 PM <Mortos> who invented the ticket, and are they in hell yet
6:44 PM <&MaliceAF> In the UK at least, the 19th century was pretty good for theatre afaik
6:44 PM <Mortos> In my head this guy isnt the kind of person who would go to things himself after he stopped going with her
6:44 PM <Mortos> if that makes sense
6:45 PM <Mortos> he'd spend his time stewing

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https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Diesel_in_mason_jar.JPG