Near-Fatal Collisions with a World of Ambition
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Ring ring

Ring ring

Ring r-


"Howard? Yeah, of course it's me, who else would it be. Listen, man, I've got something good. Something really good."

"Alright, so."

"Imagine you had this stuff, right, and it was… well, I don't really know how to explain it, but it's more itself than anything else is. It's like the absolute pinnacle of being… well, it. So you've got this stuff that sort of embodies everything that it is. Everything that that specific stuff represents, is what it represents."

"No no, you don't get it. I'm talking more like… like if you had an apple, right, except it contains everything that it meant to be an apple in itself. Like, obviously it's got pips and a core and stuff, but it's also got this whole other deal where it represents… basically, all apples everywhere. Sort of? I read a book the other day, and in it, this guy talked about four-dimensional space, where you've got this entire existence that we can't perceive because we're just a super tiny sliver of it. Think of that, like, fourth axis, except in it there's all the qualities of… fucking, apple-ness, arranged in a way that when we look at it, we get a slice of pure, perfect apple. It's the most apple apple in the world."

"What? No, no. No. I've had one or two. This is gonna be my third. Just beer, man, nothing crazy. I'm still good to drive. But listen, right; imagine if we could do this to the company."

"…I feel like maybe you didn't fully appreciate that. We could take our company, and fucking boost it. We could take all the parts and just shoot them up through the fourth dimension or whatever, and make them… the most! Just, like, the most! The most anything! We could have… get this… The. Most. Company. Company. In the world."

"Oh, piss off."

"No, listen, I don't care what you think. There's so much fucking stuff that goes on that we don't know about; you never p-"

"This is different! This is real, man. Really, truly, real!"

"They've got warehouses full of this shit! I heard about a place where all they do is scoop the brains out of people! All day, every day, they just-"

"I don't fucking know! Experiments, maybe? Point is, th-"

"No, I-"

"Let me fucking finish! I'm just saying, you always think that y-"




"…Office phone, remember?"


"Yeah, but listen, I-"


"Look, he-"


"…Alright, alright. Fine. Sorry. It's your company. Lord knows I've fucked things up in the past. The time-travel thing was stupid from the beginning, I admit. I get it, man, I do. And- yeah, so was the multiple-universe scam thing, I get it. My ideas are crap. I suck at business. I would've been a writer, if I could've sat down and just worked for two fucking minutes at a time. But this, man. I'm telling you. This is big. This is real. The realest fucking thing you've ever seen. Yeah, I know I've said it before, but this t-"

"Just let me tell you the details, alright? This time, I promise. No aliens, no government conspiracies, no Super-Sargasso Sea. Just hard facts. Evidence. Stuff you can fucking touch, Howard. You ever wanted to hold the most everything anything in the palm of your hand? That's where we're headed. Just facts. All legit. All based in science. No magic, no crazy 'beyond science' shit. Nothing dodgy. I promise."

"Yeah man. Absolutely."

"Oh, yes Okay, listen, Howard, I promise you that you won't regret this. We've been doing well so far, sure, but now? Now we're going to fly, Howard. We're going to fucking fly. All legitimately. All above board."


"Yeah, 100%."


"Oh, that. Don't worry about it. Meet me here in ten."

"Fine, twenty then. But be quick."


"I know a guy."


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