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🦋 Fae 🦋
Jude we're all worried about you
I'm worried too.
Dude
What's going on
You can talk to me, Jude
Do you think your dad ever wondered what would happen to his zoo after he died?
I don't think Tim thought much about the future at all
Well fuck me, I guess I'm just better about seeing through what I started than your old man.
Why are you being so cryptic
You're acting as if you received some divine mandate of your destiny while high off your ass
You know what?
A chat with Destiny wouldn't be so bad.
??????
Hello????
Jude. Pick up the phone.
Jude, I'm not joking, pick up the phone
"Fae," Jude said, answering his persistently ringing cellphone. "I don't want to talk right now."
I won't let her convince me to stop.
"What the hell are you doing? I don't care if you don't want to talk, I do. So, talk. What's going on?"
"Nothing. Forget I said anything," he replied, knowing it wouldn't matter.
She took a deep breath before speaking again.
"Nice try." Fae paused. "JJ called me. Everybody is worried about you, about what you might do, about—"
"Don't say it, Fae. Don't make it real. If you make it real then we need to talk about it, and I don't want to talk about it. You can't change my mind, I have to do something."
"Jude? Killing yourself isn't something. Death isn't something. Please, Jude, I can't—" her voice cracked. "I can't go through this again," Fae stammered out, and he heard her start to tear up on the other end of the line.
Shit.
"Fae, you… nobody understands what I'm dealing with right now." Jude ran his hands through his hair. "I'm alone, and that's just the way it is."
"You're not alone." Fae said it with such decisiveness that even Jude believed her. "Please. Talk to me, what's going on?"
Jude froze, not sure what to do next.
She's going to try and stop me. I need to—
"Thinking of a lie?" Fae prodded, knowing Jude too well.
"Sorry, just…" Jude struggled to put his emotions into words. "Fae, do you ever think about death? Like… your own death?"
There was silence on the line.
The emptiness tortured him.
"Yeah." Another pause. "Especially when we were in New York, all I could think about was how awful it would be for my friends and family to deal with… you know? Just like, picking up the pieces, everything that I've built and worked for crumbling down around me, until there's nothing left, and what the hell can I do, because, well, I'm gone."
"Yeah, exactly," Jude answered. "I know you said your old man didn't think about the future, what about you? Have you thought about what might happen to your zoo after you…"
Saying it out loud would only make it more real. And neither of them could handle that right now.
"I have. A lot. I saw how much chaos there was when Tim died and… what if nobody is left to carry on my legacy? What if the moment I'm gone, the Supervisors jump in, take all the critters, screw over Anders and Robin, and destroy everything I've built? How can I disappear, if the things that matter to me most will go with me?"
"That's where I am too. I can't let GAW get twisted if I'm not around, I won't let anybody ruin something that is a safe place for my friends. I can't let them down. That's why I need to go down for the team."
"But Jude, you don't have to die."
"I don't know, Fae."
"What the hell do you mean 'I don't know, Fae', of course you do, you do not have to die yet!"
She won't get it. We talked about it once, and she didn't understand then, she's not gonna understand now.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you or be weird," Jude began, talking slowly as he convinced himself of what he was saying. "You don't have to worry, I'm not going to kill myself, I just, I need to plan. Fae, I need to know that, at the end of the day, when all is said and done and I go up to the big ganja cloud in the sky, that GAW will still be a safe place for the people who need it the most. That's it."
"Really?" Her tone screamed her doubts.
"Seriously. I'm just trying to figure it out before it's a problem."
Even though it is a problem already. There was another moment of silence, as Jude waited for Faeowynn's response. She can't know that.
"Fine."
"Thank you. I do need to take a trip though. I need to meet our friend by the lake."
Private Room — bluntfiend, bones
bluntfiend: You can tell me if this is too personal, but, how did you… you know, become you?
bones: I'm afraid I don't understand the question. Are you asking how I was constructed?
bluntfiend: I guess?
bluntfiend: Let me try again.
bluntfiend: How are you still alive? Were you ever alive?
bones: I believe I now understand the question, but I am afraid I cannot provide an answer— as I myself do not know. We simply are; and I will continue to be, for as long as I can.
bluntfiend: How do you handle that? The idea that you have so many things you want to do, things you need to do — and you're just going to keep existing until they are done?
bones: And beyond.
bones: Jude, do you know why I find Gamers Against Weed and your cohort worth protecting?
bluntfiend: No, I don't think I've ever asked.
bones: You are always going to be there for those who are alone.
bluntfiend: That's the idea. Thanks, bones.
Jude arrived at the lake by cover of night, just as one of the refugees started to play Hey Jude on his guitar by Kenowhere's main fire pit.
He fucking hated Hey Jude, but his canine-headed friend seemed thrilled to hear it. Mr. Destiny, who even in the dead of winter in Lake Michigan still had his tits out, was snapping his fingers and tapping his foot to the beat. The pathetically skinny stoner shivered before he proceeded.
The deity, whose head currently resembled that of a massive wolf, sniffed the air for a moment and turned to face the direction Jude was approaching from. "Jude 'bluntfiend' Kriyot! It's lovely to see you." He stood up and spread his arms wide, revealing his impressive physique. The dog-man god-Mister approached Jude and ensnared him in a tight hug.
This is nice.
"Hey, Mr. D," Jude managed to grunt before being released.
"You look too thin. Had I known you were coming, we would have prepared a feast for you!" The deity let out a hearty chuckle.
"There's no need for that, I'm just a guy. Nothing special. Oh, that reminds me. I brought some stuff for you." Jude slung out his backpack from behind him and unzipped it, revealing a handful of seed packets of a variety of vegetables. "It was all I could afford. Sorry."
"Any donation to our cause is valued, be it extravagant or modest. You know this, Jude 'bluntfiend' Kriyot."
"Please, just call me Jude. Or blunt. Or whatever." He handed the packets to Mr. Destiny, who motioned for a woman from the fire pit to approach them. She quickly did so, and took the packets with a polite 'Thank you!' before heading towards one of the tents in the distance.
"So what brings you here, Jude? Surely you didn't risk being captured by the Gocks and Janitors just to drop off some seeds."
Jude made a face.
"Don't call them that."
"Call who what?"
"Forget it. I came because I wanted to talk to you."
"I knew that. And I think you knew that too, Jude." The deity smiled, inasmuch as a wolf could, and turned to walk back to his tent. Jude opened his mouth to protest but decided against it. He merely followed Mr. Destiny into the tent. Inside was a familiar face; that of Silvanus Ayers. The two exchanged a brief look, then they both turned to face Mr. Destiny.
"Silas, this is Jude. You may know each other better as greenmanwalking and bluntfiend respectively."
"Oh hey. I read your reports." Jude awkwardly waved at the former soldier, who offered a smile in return.
"It's a pleasure to meet you." Silas spoke gently, which surprised Jude.
"Silas, I need a moment alone with Jude, if you don't mind." Mr. Destiny's head now bore the appearance of a sly fox. The man merely nodded and stood, then exited the tent just as Mr. Destiny took a seat on a rickety folding chair. "Please, have a seat." He gestured in front of him and another, equally rickety folding chair seemed to appear out of the fog that enveloped Kenowhere.
Jude dropped his bag by the chair's side and sat down. "I'll cut to the chase, Mr. D. I need to die."
"Everyone needs to die eventually." The canine-headed deity nodded sagely.
"No, I mean like… fuck. Okay. I need to die to protect what Gamers Against Weed stands for."
"I know what you meant, Jude. I know your time is coming soon, but I cannot tell you if it's because of what you are intending to do or because you are burning the candle at both ends. Or perhaps even both."
A beat.
"How did you—"
"Did you forget who I am?" His vulpine features made the question feel all the more sly. Jude felt like he was doing this on purpose. Like he was playing with him.
"Whatever, dude. Look, I need to do this. But I don't know how."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"I think you already know how you're going to go about it, Jude." Mr. Destiny smiled, baring all his sharp teeth.
"I don't."
"If you came to me, I think it's because you already made up your mind."
Silence once more.
Jude sighed. He reached into his pocket and produced a half-smoked joint and lighter. "Mind if I light up?"
"I do not care for the scent, but I understand you do this to relax."
As soon as he heard the word 'but', Jude was already shakily flicking on his shitty BIC lighter. It took a few attempts, but he finally managed to light the end and took a deep drag. His lungs filled with smoke, and after a brief moment, he exhaled.
Mr. Destiny's nose twitched.
"Thanks," Jude coughed out. "But I really have no idea of what I need to do. I need your help. I need you to guide me to my destiny or whatever. Do your thing." He gestured in front of him, waving the joint around.
"I don't guide anyone towards anything. You know this."
"Bullshit."
"We have no bulls on this island, much less their feces."
Jude would have laughed awkwardly in any other circumstance, but he was feeling deadly serious as of late. Instead, he took another hit of his joint and shook his head.
"Don't give me that. You got a Global Occult Coalition Operative to abandon his post and become one of your refugees. You got Dahlia through her school crisis. You help everyone here out, but you won't help me?"
"You want to know what I think, my friend?" Mr. Destiny looked at Jude knowingly, folding his arms across his massive pecs.
"By all fucking means."
"I think you know the answer to what you came to ask me. Not only this, I think you already made up your mind about what you're going to do after you leave Kenowhere."
Jude was silent a moment. The joint in his left hand was already burned down to the filter. Electricity sparked from the fingertips of his right hand before being balled up into a fist. He sighed.
"You're right. I guess I do have a question about… well. My plan."
"I don't feel any different to how I did many moons ago. Neither will you."
"That's not very reassuring."
"I never claimed that I would be able to reassure you, Jude."
Mr. Destiny stood up and walked past Jude, who remained seated. He put a hand on his left shoulder, comforting the boy for the briefest of moments before leaving the tent. Jude sighed and dropped the joint to his feet, stomping it out.
"Fuck me."
To Do: Find MY Destiny
"Jude, you're losing your head over this. Please, is there any way I can help you?" Faeowynn asked through the phone — Jude was thankful that he didn't need to see her reaction to what was coming next.
"Actually? Yeah, you can. I need to talk to the Janitors."
"You? You want to talk to the Foundation? Willingly? Okay, now I'm really worried," she said, trying to break the tension with a joke.
It didn't work.
"I just… Fae, there's a lot going on, and I can't explain everything, but I will tell you everything as soon as I can, I promise. There's just something I need to do," he lied, knowing he had to walk this adventure alone.
"What is it?"
"Fae, I think I need to die."
"No. Absolutely not."
"If I could just expl—"
"Explain what? Jude, there is no fucking explanation that would make that a sentence anybody should ever fucking say, let alone seriously consider."
"Fae, I… I can't help but feel like I am a foreigner in my own body. I am in constant pain because of my Stand, and I can tell that it's going to happen soon. Remember how I told that I spent a lot of my energy trying to resurrect the people I killed back then? It's coming back to bite me now. It's killing me. I know I'm dying. Just like how an animal knows, right?" Jude sighed. "I just… if I am going to die, it's going to be on my terms, and it's going to mean something. My death could protect my legacy, forever."
"Jude. You. Do. Not. Need. To. Die. You don't need to die for your legacy. Your friends need you more than they need your corpse, okay?"
"Even if it means de-transitioning?"
Silence.
"What?"
"If I have to live, I will be forced to de-transition because of my Stand. I won't have it anymore. I would rather die than go back to being Blondie."
Silence once more.
Faeowynn sighed.
"Okay."
"Promise?" he pleaded.
"Promise."
To Do: Tell Your Friends
Subject: Faeowynn Wilson
Known Affiliations: Wilson's Wildlife Solutions, Director; Gamers Against Weed, Member
Topic: SCP-001
BEGIN RECORDING
Faeowynn Wilson: I know this is real, but I didn't think that I would ever be standing here. It feels surreal to be talking to you, talking about Jude.
Pause, sipping water.
Faeowynn Wilson: I didn't think he'd be this stupid. I really didn't. And yet — once he gets an idea in his head, he's like a dog and a bone. Resilient. Persistent. Enduring.
Faeowynn takes another sip.
Faeowynn Wilson: He put others above himself, in everything he did. One time, he even flew out to New York City on a few hours notice, just to support me in any way that he could. No matter what the situation was, he would be willing to sacrifice everything, if he knew that it would help somebody else.
Faowynn smiles slightly.
Faeowynn Wilson: We should all try to be more like Jude.
END RECORDING