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Opening Entity of Interest File #9731

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Opening File

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The following file contains an activated GAY FROGS-Class DANK ANTIMEME. You are instructed to run. In the event that you're lazy, you are directed to proceed at a velocity directly proportional to your daily cholesterol intake. What's that? Fine, you can catch up on Grey's Anatomy first. But make sure you make your way right back here after, mmkay?

—Uhm, probably someone with, like, a super high clearance level. Or someone's Mary Sue OC.

ENTITY OF INTEREST #9731


lt-flops.jpg

Initial sighting of LIMP FIREBIRD. It's so pretty VERY DEADLY. RUN.

NAME: Lieutenant Flops

ALIAS: FloppyPhoenix, LIMP FIREBIRD

ASSOCIATED GROUP OF INTEREST: GOI-5869 ("Gamers Against Weed")
UPDATED — Currently: Independent

REASON FOR MONITORING: EOI possesses various thaumic capabilities and is a direct threat to normalcy.

COURSE OF ACTION: Immediate containment

PRIORITY: High

STATUS: Currently believed to be engaging with hostile Selachian threats against protocol.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION: Subject is a white Heron of unknown genus, measuring approximately 1.6 meters in height. EOI-9731 is believed to have been created by the Gamers Against Weed on August 30, 2023. The group attempted a series of arcane rituals to invoke various high-level thaumic abilities, as well as the ability to vocalize in human languages, into a common Heron. At the time, its creation was intended as a method to facilitate an active partnership with a Class VIII ontokinetic entity known as [DATA LOST] as all previous attempts at making contact with the entity had failed.

On September 22, after further attempts at contacting [DATA LOST] had failed, EOI-9731 was repurposed for various humorous uses, including practical jokes, pranks, online and offline trolling campaigns, and in one instance, the nomination of EOI-9731 for candidacy in the 2024 American Election under the Libertarian Party.

NOTE: EOI-9731 made exceptional progress in its election campaign, likely due to the coordinated efforts of the Gamers Against Weed and as a product of its own thaumaturgic abilities. EOI-9731 received 50.1% of the popular vote in the 2024 Libertarian National Convention, surpassing even candidate Vermin Supreme, at 31%. EOI-9731 was projected to continue to make significant efforts towards American presidential candidacy before the Foundation successfully enacted amnesticization efforts in an attempt to hinder EOI-9731.

In mid-2024, after months of using EOI-9731 in numerous successful wide-scale humorous campaigns, EOI-9731 forcibly escaped from a Gamers Against Weed compound, after which local law enforcement reported the incident to Foundation personnel. A raid on the compound found that the basement of the compound was filled with various Gamers Against Weed-typical items, including copious amounts of Doritos, Mountain Dew, and hard drives containing numerous post-ironic Internet memes. On the first floor, a large living space was apparently dedicated to EOI-9731 and included various elements of furnishing typical for domestic birds.

One element in particular was noted by agents on-site: a laptop containing various documents aligning with those typically accessed by Level 3 Foundation personnel was found in a second floor living space. The laptop also contained a bootleg program similar in appearance and performance to that of the latest iteration of SCiPNET. It was found that Gamers Against Weed had used EOI-9731's thaumaturgic capabilities to access and disseminate top secret Foundation informaton to the rest of the Gamers Against Weed. In addition, multiple documents on anomalous phenomena had apparently been doctored by EOI-9731. A list of documents can be found in the Attached Documents section.

EOI-9731 could not be tracked by the Foundation for approximately 9 months after its escape from the Gamers Against Weed compound. In February 2025, EOI-9731 was finally re-discovered off the coast of Eastern Florida attacking various anomalous Selachian entities, believed to correspond to SCP-████. Upon Foundation intervention, EOI-9731 fled, but not before redirecting the Selachian entities to attack Foundation field agents.

EOI-9731 continues to pursue efforts against Selachian entities and Foundation personnel. The Foundation has attempted correspondence with the Centre for Selachian Pugilism to determine whether EOI-9731 is affiliated with them. The Centre has ignored the Foundation's phone calls.

ATTACHED DOCUMENTATION


The following documents were found to be doctored by EOI-9731 on a laptop within a derelict Gamers Against Weed compound. They have been transcribed below.


I. PAGES:

DRAFTS
Nipple Centipedes 07 Dec 2019 18:12
scp is so darn pretty 22 Nov 2019 18:52
Floppy and Clem present: NOOFIELDS! 21 Nov 2019 02:01
Into The Selachiverse 08 Nov 2019 05:16
A Necromantic Prelude 20 Oct 2019 00:40
Floppy 16 19 Oct 2019 23:45
The Maiden Voyage of the Crispy Sex Pirates 24 Sep 2019 03:26
Prior to the Fire 13 Sep 2019 04:10
SCP-4790 22 Jul 2019 03:08
Land Of Honey 24 Jun 2019 05:16
Church of the Fifth Hytooth 21 Jun 2019 18:30
Land of Honey 17 Jun 2019 05:25
Fifthismxortholan 16 Jun 2019 17:36
SCP-XXXX : The False Eigenweapon 11 Jun 2019 21:13
WWSTALE-2pointO 05 Jun 2019 00:14
COLLAB_WWS-Beluga 02 Jun 2019 05:34
Floppy Archive-01 21 May 2019 20:59
Floppy 13 06 May 2019 21:41
Sagan Godhead 01 Mar 2019 00:03
List of Foundation Departments 28 Feb 2019 08:44
page 1 of 212next »
COLLABORATIONS (On Pause)
Page Link Collab Title Collab Type
Westrin Collab Floppy-Westy Collab The Dank Antimeme SCP
Yossi Collab Yossi-Floppy Collab The Maze SCP
EndingParadox Collab Paradox-Floppy Collab [Name Pending] SCP
READING LIST
Floppy's Annotated Reading List

II. CRIT REPOSITORY:


III. IDEAS:

PENDING

CLOSING REMARKS


The day the Foundation loses to a bird is the day the Foundation has failed humanity. Find it. If I see another fake entry uploaded to SCiPNET I'm going to blow a gasket.


—Senior Researcher MacGuffin
Memetics and Infohazards Division
Site-82

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