Place Where Floppy Stores Crit 'N' Such

[2019-01-01 15:28:28] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, I downvoted at "who looked both youthful and mature at the same time."
[2019-01-01 15:28:31] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, sorry man
[2019-01-01 15:28:42] <Scented_Shadow> woah! top 5k
[2019-01-01 15:28:43] <FloppyPhoenix> it's ok
[2019-01-01 15:28:46] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, that's just like… such a stereotypical thing to put a female into
[2019-01-01 15:29:01] <MrJacketBarths> The Top 5000 ? What position, exactly ? Curious about that.
[2019-01-01 15:29:12] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, it immediately set my teeth that the first thing we know about a woman is her appearance and that she's young but also mature
[2019-01-01 15:29:14] <FloppyPhoenix> i don't mean for it to be stereotypical, that's how the character is described in another tale she's featured in
[2019-01-01 15:29:43] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, I don't have that context, but it really does set my teeth in when that's the first thing I see about any female character
[2019-01-01 15:29:54] <WhatsaHoN> FloppyPhoenix "Its slight gave the small containment chamber the illusion of appearing cavernous." Do you mean to put it's slight stature or something? Seems off there.
[2019-01-01 15:30:02] <Feline> What happened to Djkaktus' new 001? Wasn't it supposed to finish yesterday?
[2019-01-01 15:30:08] <FloppyPhoenix> that's fair
[2019-01-01 15:31:12] <FloppyPhoenix> i mean i don't actually think it's a fair criticism but it's fair to have it
[2019-01-01 15:31:30] <DrMacro> MrJacketBarths, there is no space before the question and exclamation marks in English
[2019-01-01 15:31:35] <Modern_Erasmus> MrJacketBarths: 4788 iirc
[2019-01-01 15:31:39] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, It's like when a woman first looks into a mirror and we talk about her auburn hair flowing like water and her slight breasts
[2019-01-01 15:31:52] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, it immediately comes off to me as treating women like meat on a stick
[2019-01-01 15:31:52] <FloppyPhoenix> whatsahon: it odes, i'll change it
[2019-01-01 15:31:58] <Modern_Erasmus> first time we cracked 5000
[2019-01-01 15:32:22] <Scented_Shadow> how is ´best website´ defined for a list like that?
[2019-01-01 15:32:39] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, yeah like how come the female's first description is how she's young but not too young but the guy is completely not that
[2019-01-01 15:32:41] <MrJacketBarths> 4788… that's pretty good.
[2019-01-01 15:33:24] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, because in the most cynical manner, the guy just has specific features in the way he is as a person, the female just has a generic appearance that she's young but not too young to fuck
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[2019-01-01 15:33:52] <dentix> i am Very Bored
[2019-01-01 15:35:38] <FloppyPhoenix> that would be a big stretch, and also as an aside i don't write things with sexual undertones
[2019-01-01 15:36:02] <XilasCrowe> Yet
[2019-01-01 15:36:17] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, I'm telling you this bluntly, but by describing a female character only as "young but also mature" you basically drew her to be a stereotype
[2019-01-01 15:36:34] <Soulless> It also tells me almost nothing about her
[2019-01-01 15:36:37] <AttilaThePun1> Can I get someone to look over my clichecon draft?
[2019-01-01 15:36:54] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, like the guy actually has personality behind the two things I know about him
[2019-01-01 15:36:56] <Soulless> The girl I know nothing
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[2019-01-01 15:38:00] <Metaphysician> Kind of harsh to immediately treat it as if it had been written with sexist intentions.
[2019-01-01 15:38:00] <JayrassicPark> Happy new year, one that is hopefully free of suffering and death.
[2019-01-01 15:38:19] <Soulless> Metaphysician, intent doesn't really matter
[2019-01-01 15:38:30] <MrJacketBarths> Thanks, Jayrassic ! Happy new year !
[2019-01-01 15:38:35] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I am merely describing the behavior performed by writing certain characters in certain ways
[2019-01-01 15:38:59] <Soulless> Metaphysician, whether or not FloppyPhoenix intended it to be read that way does not matter to me in the least, as is traditional in literary criticism
[2019-01-01 15:39:09] <fleshcrafterAngel> FloppyPhoenix: Nobody is going to know that, and also, you don't /deliberately/ do so, which is uh. Quite distinct from whether or not you actually did so.
[2019-01-01 15:39:11] <dolphinslugchugger> dentix
[2019-01-01 15:39:13] <dolphinslugchugger> i love it
[2019-01-01 15:39:17] <mlister> Are you interpreting "mature" as like, bodywise?
[2019-01-01 15:39:18] <dolphinslugchugger> i love them
[2019-01-01 15:39:26] <mlister> I don't think that's how that line is meant to be read
[2019-01-01 15:39:28] <DrLekter> Still no spaces Jacket
[2019-01-01 15:39:30] <Metaphysician> Most likely a mental state.
[2019-01-01 15:39:34] <dolphinslugchugger> i mean
[2019-01-01 15:39:42] <Metaphysician> Young but mature for their age.
[2019-01-01 15:39:44] — Metaphysician shrugs.
[2019-01-01 15:39:46] <dolphinslugchugger> "maturity" is something that means nothing until you show it imo
[2019-01-01 15:39:59] <JayrassicPark> The 'I know it when I see it' clause.
[2019-01-01 15:40:02] <Soulless> mlister, no, I'm interpreting mature as an extremely generic statement that says nothing about the woman except that she's pretty and an adult enough to sexualize
[2019-01-01 15:40:40] <Metaphysician> It feels like needlessly demonizing an author… when all you need to say is to describe things with equal amount of clarity and detail.
[2019-01-01 15:40:41] <dolphinslugchugger> god
[2019-01-01 15:40:54] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I am saying nothing about the author, merely their work
[2019-01-01 15:41:09] <dolphinslugchugger> soulless that's such a take and i wish i didnt agree with it because that has fucked implications across other media ive read
[2019-01-01 15:41:14] <mlister> Soulless I'll be blunt I think that's a bad reading inspired more by cynicism from other, poorer works more than anything
[2019-01-01 15:41:19] ⇐ WindyCat quit (en.ilef|tseihsoow#en.ilef|tseihsoow): Quit: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH ;_;
[2019-01-01 15:41:26] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I am merely informing them that by writing things in certain ways, they will be read in the greater societal context of literary examinations
[2019-01-01 15:41:35] <Metaphysician> It doesn't come off that way.
[2019-01-01 15:41:46] <Metaphysician> It doesn't feel like you are offering help.
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[2019-01-01 15:42:09] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I'm not, I'm offering to let them know this is a thing that made me as a reader not want to read the rest of the piece
[2019-01-01 15:43:11] <mlister> Soulless I can't say I understand why your "Line that makes me want to not finish this work" standards are so low, evening knowing your standards in general
[2019-01-01 15:43:26] <Soulless> Metaphysician, whether or not they will do anything about it is up to them, but that immediately reads to me as an ill-considered work that does not bode well enough for the rest of the piece, and the prose isn't snappy or pretty enough, the setting not compelling enough, to make it something I can immediately shrug off
[2019-01-01 15:44:04] <Metaphysician> You said intent doesn't matter but you are reading it with a very specific intent in mind. It assumes the very worse and that is super uncomfortable, because it *feels* like an accusation of sexism. And that's not something you should throw lightly. It's not a helpful critique. It's more just insulting.
[2019-01-01 15:44:08] <Metaphysician> But that's my 2 cents.
[2019-01-01 15:44:50] <Soulless> mlister, because if I get nothing from the sole female char I've met so far, and I get multiple things from the sole male char IO've read so far, I don't really have confidence the rest of the piece will have compelling characters
[2019-01-01 15:45:06] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I don't really care what the author intended
[2019-01-01 15:45:11] <Metaphysician> Then the character needs to be fleshed out.
[2019-01-01 15:45:14] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I only really care how the piece reads to me as a reader
[2019-01-01 15:45:36] <FloppyPhoenix> in the context of the piece, the first vignette is intentionally vague about the characters it's presenting, and presents them with a detached tone
[2019-01-01 15:45:59] <Soulless> Metaphysician, whether or not FloppyPhoenix actually intended to write an extremely stereotypical depiction of a female's appearance doesn't really change that that is what's on the page, as far as I'm concerned
[2019-01-01 15:46:06] <Metaphysician> I suppose I can't remotely understand your approach here.
[2019-01-01 15:46:17] <Soulless> Metaphysician, my approach is simply what I enjoy reading
[2019-01-01 15:46:40] <Soulless> Metaphysician, I don't enjoy reading stereotypes
[2019-01-01 15:47:07] <Metaphysician> That basically means that the worth of an author is how much they cater to your specifications. And is that a stereotype? I've described men as young.
[2019-01-01 15:47:13] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, vagueness is fine, but I'm saying the vagueness here is misplaced between the two characters
[2019-01-01 15:48:05] <ghostchibi> hey what's a good word for dramatic that I can use with the suffix "over" to make it obvious someone's "distress" is just for shit and giggles and everyone's just having fun and being dramatic
[2019-01-01 15:48:09] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, with the female, she is described in generic phrasings that don't really reflect anything interesting or different about her from generic heroine #4532, while the male has specific, kind of vague, but things that speak about what sort of person he is from first impressions
[2019-01-01 15:48:38] — MrJacketBarths doesn't really want to interrupt the (maybe) debate
[2019-01-01 15:48:49] <Metaphysician> You immediately compared it to something fixated on breasts, when there really isn't anything sexual being said here.
[2019-01-01 15:49:03] <Metaphysician> It's a pretty extreme comparison.
[2019-01-01 15:49:10] <ghostchibi> nvmd I'm gonna go
[2019-01-01 15:49:18] <Soulless> Metaphysician, yes, it is an extreme comparison in the effort to highlight what I mean here
[2019-01-01 15:49:19] <Krydderi> Hey Jacket you wanna read a cool skip? >.>
[2019-01-01 15:49:27] * nulljellysleep → nulllucid
[2019-01-01 15:49:34] — Feline continues watching, reminiscing about similar argumants in the past and their outcomes
[2019-01-01 15:49:43] <Metaphysician> So, a false equivalency on purpose?
[2019-01-01 15:49:46] <Soulless> Metaphysician, it's one of thoe generic ways to describe females that doesn't actually represent a female as a human being with distinctions or personalities different from the cardboard cutout
[2019-01-01 15:49:59] <Zhange> what… is going on?
[2019-01-01 15:50:00] <MrJacketBarths> Why not, Kryd'. (can I call you Kryd'?)
[2019-01-01 15:50:07] <MrJacketBarths> Hello, Zhange !
[2019-01-01 15:50:11] <Zhange> heya
[2019-01-01 15:50:12] <Soulless> Zhange, I'm pointing out how I read things and people disagree with me
[2019-01-01 15:50:29] <XilasCrowe> Heyllol Zhan
[2019-01-01 15:50:38] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, I'm all for intentionally vague characters, but even vagueness must be written with grace
[2019-01-01 15:50:39] <SpacemanFive> Hi everyone! Happy new year!
[2019-01-01 15:50:53] <SpacemanFive> Oh, I walked in on something.
[2019-01-01 15:50:54] <Feline> Heya Zhange
[2019-01-01 15:51:05] <MyooMyer> Hi SpacemanFive. Happy new year to you too
[2019-01-01 15:51:09] * Tuomey set the topic to Hi! | Guide: | Readme: | Sandbox: | Help: #site17 | Crit: #thecritters | RP: #Origins-OOC | Stats: | COMMUNITY SURVEY | Cliché Con '19! | Happy New Year!!! | kobolds = best
[2019-01-01 15:51:09] <Krydderi> MrJacketBarths: sure! Kryd works
[2019-01-01 15:51:14] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, for example "Director Metcalfe spoke in an unmistakably posh accent, enunciating with clarity. " you don't need to state that the posh accent is here
[2019-01-01 15:51:16] <Feline> Discourse is going on
[2019-01-01 15:51:18] * CorvusCaurinus set +v Tuomey
[2019-01-01 15:51:27] <MrJacketBarths> Oh, that's cool ! Currently, I'm more in the tales and the canons (I freakin' love that) but I like to see a cool skip !
[2019-01-01 15:51:46] <dolphinslugchugger> wtf
[2019-01-01 15:51:46] <Krydderi> SCP-4104
[2019-01-01 15:51:47] <Secretary_Helen> Krydderi: SCP-4104: He’s lying to you all. (Rating: +15. Written 14 hours ago By: KrySalems) -
[2019-01-01 15:51:47] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, if you describe the way the Director looks at someone, the way they tilt their head, and the way they focus on the enunciation of their words, you will describe so much more than their accent while also describing their accent
[2019-01-01 15:51:48] <dolphinslugchugger> can i get voiced
[2019-01-01 15:51:49] <Krydderi> This is the rad skip I'm plugging Jacket (and yes it is mine)
[2019-01-01 15:52:01] <MrJacketBarths> SpacemanFive Happy new year ! It's a pleasure to meet the Main.
[2019-01-01 15:52:03] * ChanServ set -v dolphinslugchugger
[2019-01-01 15:52:07] <ghostchibi> give dolphin the gift of speech
[2019-01-01 15:52:07] <dolphinslugchugger> basard
[2019-01-01 15:52:07] <MrJacketBarths> Thanks, Kryd' !
[2019-01-01 15:52:10] <ghostchibi> gksjgnsdgsd
[2019-01-01 15:52:15] * ChanServ set -v Tuomey
[2019-01-01 15:52:20] <ghostchibi> hghighgfnxcmb
[2019-01-01 15:52:20] * ChanServ set -v ghostchibi
[2019-01-01 15:52:24] <Feline> I read that, didn't quite get it (though I worry it's too similar to my idea for a 4125 rewrite) krydderi
[2019-01-01 15:52:25] <ghostchibi> NO
[2019-01-01 15:52:27] <ghostchibi> LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS
[2019-01-01 15:52:31] <nulllucid> too late
[2019-01-01 15:52:39] <ghostchibi> was I even voiced in the first place
[2019-01-01 15:52:41] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, I'd suggest looking into replacing adjectives like that with things that more effectively convey specific stuff to a reader
[2019-01-01 15:52:56] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, describing something as "posh" can mean french, or london English, or even new yorker
[2019-01-01 15:53:08] <nulllucid> you can be devoiced without having voice
[2019-01-01 15:53:12] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, describing a turn of the head will say much much more
[2019-01-01 15:53:18] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, does this make sense?
[2019-01-01 15:53:41] <Zhange> Metaphysician: Me: *sees new anthropology and this time it's the Neo cuties*
[2019-01-01 15:53:46] <Zhange> Me: OWO
[2019-01-01 15:53:55] <FloppyPhoenix> soulless: makes a lot of sense! i'll keep that in mind for the next character piece i write
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[2019-01-01 15:54:30] <Feline> Metaphysician: Me: *Sees new Alagadda SCP being worked on*
[2019-01-01 15:54:32] <Metaphysician> Ah, I haven't worked on that yet. Trying to write a new Alagadda related SCP.
[2019-01-01 15:54:34] <Feline> Me: OwO
[2019-01-01 15:54:46] <ghostchibi> can anyone help me with that word thing
[2019-01-01 15:54:50] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, another suggestion I will make is to incorporate space and senses into your pieces moreso- you did an excellent job in the vignette to describe the dust, the size of the room compared to the size of the shriveled person, but you lose it in the next scene
[2019-01-01 15:54:54] <Krydderi> Feline: I have never read 4125 nor was I aware of a rewrite- but if you think it's similar then I may have to edit 4104. Having it be similar kinda worries me?
[2019-01-01 15:55:05] <Feline> But yeah I'm excited for Big Trouble in Little Ädytum too
[2019-01-01 15:55:06] * ChanServ set -h ghostchibi
[2019-01-01 15:55:09] <ihp> .l
[2019-01-01 15:55:21] <ghostchibi> stop stripping me of pwoers I don't have and help me words good
[2019-01-01 15:55:21] <dolphinslugchugger> whadda fuck
[2019-01-01 15:55:27] <Metaphysician> Ugh, sandbox being a jerk
[2019-01-01 15:55:30] <Feline> krydderi you don't need to edit anything, the rewrite exists solely in my head
[2019-01-01 15:55:41] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, "At face value, this situation seems exceptional. But, taking into consideration the toll this must have had on her mental wellbeing…" She let the rhetorical tone in her voice hang in the air."
[2019-01-01 15:55:42] <Metaphysician> And GF is here so goodbye;p
[2019-01-01 15:55:44] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, similar stuff here
[2019-01-01 15:55:50] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, you don't need to use 'rhetorical' here
[2019-01-01 15:55:58] <ihp> is wikidot wiki wiki dead?
[2019-01-01 15:56:03] → Pecan joined (moc.duolccri.gnilae.2AB5C0B9-CRInys|295572diu#moc.duolccri.gnilae.2AB5C0B9-CRInys|295572diu)
[2019-01-01 15:56:08] <nulllucid> i think it is
[2019-01-01 15:56:10] <Krydderi> Feline: …surprise mind reading?
[2019-01-01 15:56:12] <Pecan> I know I'm late to the party but
[2019-01-01 15:56:15] <FloppyPhoenix> soulless: basically i'm telling but not showing, no?
[2019-01-01 15:56:16] <Pecan> Is the wiki site down?
[2019-01-01 15:56:17] <nulllucid> recently created isn't loading for me
[2019-01-01 15:56:17] <Feline> No
[2019-01-01 15:56:30] <Krydderi> Joke aside, alright.
[2019-01-01 15:56:32] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, "Metcalfe's tone took that of a sharpened spear." this is good, but don't rely on these too much, because these need to be interlaced with concrete environments to be effective
[2019-01-01 15:56:35] <XilasCrowe> Wikidot has always been dead we’ve just been dancing in its corpse
[2019-01-01 15:56:37] <Feline> The general deal of information being erased and everyone being confused about it and such idk
[2019-01-01 15:56:38] <nulllucid> yeah site isn't loading
[2019-01-01 15:56:51] <Pecan> I get a wonderful 503
[2019-01-01 15:56:56] <Pecan> I wanted to make sure it wasn't just on my end
[2019-01-01 15:56:57] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, yes, but that phrase doesn't always mean anything- because if you knew the difference, you wouldn't be doing it
[2019-01-01 15:57:01] <MrJacketBarths> Huuuh… He's not down. Actually, I'm in the Chat Guide.
[2019-01-01 15:57:08] <XilasCrowe> Site works fine for me
[2019-01-01 15:57:25] <DrMacro> That's why we're waiting for the Foundation Project aha
[2019-01-01 15:57:26] <Feline> Wiki is acting oddly for me too
[2019-01-01 15:57:29] <Tuomey> out fucking standing
[2019-01-01 15:57:33] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, "The Director didn't have a response to that. Mira did: she bit her bottom lip, and the simple gesture spoke volumes."
[2019-01-01 15:57:34] <Tuomey> shit's fucked for me too
[2019-01-01 15:57:35] <nulllucid> blame wikidot
[2019-01-01 15:57:45] <Tuomey> ghostchibi: why not just use overdramatic?
[2019-01-01 15:57:45] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, "The Director had no response. Mira bit her lip."
[2019-01-01 15:57:51] <Pecan> Now would be a wonderful time for the rollout of the Foundation Project c:
[2019-01-01 15:57:53] <ghostchibi> Tuomey: sounds bad in this sentence
[2019-01-01 15:57:56] <MrJacketBarths> Oh, by the way, hi, ihp! Your skips with SAPPHIRE are pretty good!
[2019-01-01 15:57:57] <Feline> This is how it ends, huh?
[2019-01-01 15:58:00] <XilasCrowe> Ok just tell me what you wanna read I’ll read it too you
[2019-01-01 15:58:03] <Feline> Are we finally free?
[2019-01-01 15:58:09] <ihp> MrJacketBarths: well, I've only done one SCP with them…
[2019-01-01 15:58:15] <Tuomey> ghostchibi: overblown then maybe
[2019-01-01 15:58:18] <Soulless> Also
[2019-01-01 15:58:21] <Soulless> calm down re: 503
[2019-01-01 15:58:21] <ghostchibi> hm
[2019-01-01 15:58:22] <ghostchibi> maybe
[2019-01-01 15:58:29] <dolphinslugchugger> can i get uuuuuuuuuuuh devoiced
[2019-01-01 15:58:32] <Tuomey> overexaggerated
[2019-01-01 15:58:32] <Soulless> It probably just means there was a blip in the server
[2019-01-01 15:58:34] <ihp> MrJacketBarths: I've been intending to translate a French SAPPHIRE SCP, but it has… problematic language
[2019-01-01 15:58:34] <MrJacketBarths> Ow, just one. I was not sure…
[2019-01-01 15:58:38] <ghostchibi> Tuomey: thanks
[2019-01-01 15:58:41] * ChanServ set +h dolphinslugchugger
[2019-01-01 15:58:42] <Pecan> Their Twitter is silent, Soulless
[2019-01-01 15:58:44] * ChanServ set -h dolphinslugchugger
[2019-01-01 15:58:49] <dolphinslugchugger> smh
[2019-01-01 15:58:53] <Tuomey> yeah this is likely a server issue
[2019-01-01 15:58:53] <Soulless> Pecan, yeah, maybe because it just happened
[2019-01-01 15:58:55] <ghostchibi> dolphinslugchugger: lmao
[2019-01-01 15:58:56] <dolphinslugchugger> cant believe i got dehalfopped
[2019-01-01 15:59:01] <MrJacketBarths> Oh, I see…
[2019-01-01 15:59:04] <JayrassicPark> Yeah, just got a failure notice when I tried opening my sandbox.
[2019-01-01 15:59:04] <dentix> can i get uhhh, nothing at all im just existing
[2019-01-01 15:59:04] <Soulless> Pecan, it could be they're trying to diagnose that something is wrong at all
[2019-01-01 15:59:11] <XilasCrowe> At least you didn’t get demembered
[2019-01-01 15:59:13] <dolphinslugchugger> its like yall dont trust me >:o
[2019-01-01 15:59:16] <Pecan> *deep sigh*
[2019-01-01 15:59:18] <Pecan> Away I go
[2019-01-01 15:59:20] ⇐ Pecan quit (moc.duolccri.gnilae.2AB5C0B9-CRInys|295572diu#moc.duolccri.gnilae.2AB5C0B9-CRInys|295572diu): Quit:
[2019-01-01 15:59:39] <dentix> getting glass in terraria is such a pain
[2019-01-01 15:59:47] <Feline> How so?
[2019-01-01 15:59:49] <dolphinslugchugger> i could clean this place up. i could be powerful
[2019-01-01 15:59:53] <dentix> sand
[2019-01-01 15:59:56] <dentix> sand is stipid
[2019-01-01 15:59:58] <ghostchibi> dolphinslugchugger: make it all gay
[2019-01-01 16:00:03] <nulllucid> power corrupts
[2019-01-01 16:00:03] <ihp> Can I get uuuuuuuuuuh a number three combo with voice?
[2019-01-01 16:00:05] <dentix> like in minecraft
[2019-01-01 16:00:05] <Feline> Oh yee
[2019-01-01 16:00:15] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, anyhow you do this multiple times where you have a strong Action, and then you describe the effect of the action instead of letting it linger
[2019-01-01 16:00:16] <dolphinslugchugger> if you halfop me i will make this all gay
[2019-01-01 16:00:20] * ChanServ set -v ihp
[2019-01-01 16:00:37] <JayrassicPark> Joke's on you, I already am.
[2019-01-01 16:00:37] <dolphinslugchugger> and my first order of business will be uh
[2019-01-01 16:00:44] <dolphinslugchugger> … are there any staff here who arent gay
[2019-01-01 16:00:47] <ihp> :(
[2019-01-01 16:00:48] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, I'd recommend you go through your piece later to pooint these out to yourself, so you understand internally what your thought process was when writing it, and adjust your writing workflow appropriately
[2019-01-01 16:00:48] <XilasCrowe> Site should be back
[2019-01-01 16:00:52] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, does this make sense?
[2019-01-01 16:01:05] <FloppyPhoenix> yes this makes sense
[2019-01-01 16:01:14] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, "Dr. Mesmur put on a thin smile, while Director Metcalfe kept her lips straight. "Elaborate. Please."" like this is FUCKING EXCELLENT
[2019-01-01 16:01:19] <Soulless> This is a sexy moment
[2019-01-01 16:01:20] <WhatsaHoN> Huzzah, site no longer exploding. Resource issue or something?
[2019-01-01 16:01:28] <dolphinslugchugger> it's a *what&
[2019-01-01 16:01:30] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, you want those sexy moments
[2019-01-01 16:01:36] <FloppyPhoenix> heh
[2019-01-01 16:01:37] <Soulless> prose-wise I mean
[2019-01-01 16:01:44] → Jesin joined (~ten.nozirev.soif.cdhsaw.6B21D3C9-CRInys|niseJ#ten.nozirev.soif.cdhsaw.6B21D3C9-CRInys|niseJ)
[2019-01-01 16:01:50] <Tuomey> WhatsaHoN: we can safely blame jeff bezos
[2019-01-01 16:01:56] <Tuomey> because wikidot uses aws
[2019-01-01 16:02:16] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, "The vast conference room went silent. Mira and Director Metcalfe both held their breath, while Mesmur smoothed out her already pristine hairdo. Director Metcalfe broke the silence:" This is a less sexy moment, and I think you can discern why
[2019-01-01 16:02:23] <WhatsaHoN> I'll go call up my AWS buddy and tell him to stop breaking their DCs, no prob.
[2019-01-01 16:02:36] — MrJacketBarths think of a joke about sexy moments
[2019-01-01 16:03:25] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, one last thing and I'll probably be quiet unless some plothole occurs, but you enter a foliage scene next, but don't invoke any senses beyond sight
[2019-01-01 16:03:26] ⇐ Zhange quit (||h.lla): Quit: ajax IRC Client
[2019-01-01 16:03:35] ⇐ Feline quit (moc.criiwik.stneilc.8B37613A-CRInys|001034cb#moc.criiwik.stneilc.8B37613A-CRInys|001034cb): Client exited
[2019-01-01 16:03:44] <JayrassicPark> I imagine Bernie, in a Dr. Claw voice, snarling "CURSE YOU BEZOOOOOSSSSSS" as he flies away.
[2019-01-01 16:04:20] <dentix> im not st4ff but im gay
[2019-01-01 16:04:23] <dentix> very gay
[2019-01-01 16:04:30] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, in order to properly implant your reader in the space, I would recommend implanting other senses- sound, smell, taste, feeling- freshly watered soil has a petrichor that lingers in the back of the throat, and flowers can trigger allergies, or tickle the nose
[2019-01-01 16:04:38] * MaliceAF → MaliceAway
[2019-01-01 16:05:15] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, By doing this you'll be able to make the piece beautiful in the mind of the reader, invoking their own memories of their senses as they fill out all the nuances of the work for you by your subtle suggestion
[2019-01-01 16:05:54] <FloppyPhoenix> ok! i'll make note of this
[2019-01-01 16:06:08] <ihp> SCP-941
[2019-01-01 16:06:09] <Secretary_Helen> ihp: SCP-941: Carsickness (Rating: -11. Written 7 years ago By: Leicontis) -
[2019-01-01 16:06:38] <JayrassicPark> What the heck, -11. I like it.
[2019-01-01 16:07:14] <JayrassicPark> Well, -10, now. I hope it doesn't fall prey to the same thing that caused the Never-Hungry Man to go grimdark.
[2019-01-01 16:07:14] <ihp> JayrassicPark: it's being rewritten
[2019-01-01 16:07:39] <JayrassicPark> Tie it into the Gremlin SCP. :V
[2019-01-01 16:08:02] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, overall I like the plot of it, but the prose detracts from the plot early on, and I found myself not feeling fully immersed in the piece enough for the ending's emotion to have significant effect on me
[2019-01-01 16:08:33] <dentix> terraria just crashed
[2019-01-01 16:08:33] <MrJacketBarths> The Never-Hungry Man ?
[2019-01-01 16:08:34] <dentix> F
[2019-01-01 16:08:45] <dentix> i probs lost some progress
[2019-01-01 16:08:48] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, or simply put: All the pieces are there, but they're not polished together quiet yet
[2019-01-01 16:08:55] <Soulless> FloppyPhoenix, lmk if you want me to read a future piece
[2019-01-01 16:09:22] <AttilaThePun1> Can I get someone to look over my cliche con draft?
[2019-01-01 16:10:12] <FloppyPhoenix> soulless: ok, thank you for your in-depth crit! appreciate it ^^ i'll take into account the things you've said the next time i write prose

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