The Maiden Voyage of the Crispy Sex Pirates
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1. Summary

The "Crispy Sex Pirates" idea was birthed accidentally in SCP-\̅\̅\̅\̅-J (an SCP made entirely using the Botnik program).

This is what has been written about the group thus far:

What will be written:

  • Tale Series (TBD — Unnamed)

2. Setting

The Gulf of the Quetzalcoatl Republic (Mexico). A modern anomalous take on Pirates of the Caribbean. The entire gulf is free from Sharkicist interference and is a grey area under the Marianas Treaty.

3. Story

Full storyline TBD — 8 parts expected

Part 1

In the SPC universe, an unknown force necromantically resurrects cadavers from the Mongol Empire (alt-history Mongolia)'s mass cadaver pile. The cadavers are extracted and transported to the Gulf of the Quetzalcoatl Republic (alt-history Mexico) under the code-name "Confederate Sea Patrollers". Forced to act as necrotized muscle for their mysterious, secretive employers, the group finds solidarity in the name "Crispy Sex Pirates" and escapes the shackles of their employers, manning a ship known as the Daddy's Princess.

Part 2

Traveling on the border between the landlubbers and the Sharkicists, the Crispy Sex Pirates decide to steal shit from both sides while their guards are down during the Eighth Deviant Crusade. They soon realize there is an immense treasure they must seek. Little do they know, it is what they were tasked with guarding in the first place.

4. Timeline

Takes place during the Eighth Deviant Crusade. The High Pugilord declares the crusade after the Sharkics push into Centre territory unabashedly.

5. Characters

Captain Shirley (ok hold on - change his dialogue, make him speak normally. He sounds like a fuckin' fan fiction mary sue IMBECILE. And don't use a pirate translator you dolt. DUH!!!!!!!!!?111111 Past-Floppy you absolute amateur.)

6. Equipment

What do they use, anomalous or otherwise, during their salvaging operation?

7. Questions

  • Who necromantically possessed them?
  • Who are their allies? Who are their enemies?
  • Which members of the anomalous community (Groups o' Finterest) do they interact with?

8. Groups o' Finterest (GoFs)

While this takes place in the SPC universe, the Centre will be a jump-off point and will not be the primary focus of the story. They're a framing device. That said, potential groups of interest include:

Main Groups
  • Boatswains of the Cog of God (BotCoG)
  • Crispy Sex Pirates — LITERALLY WHO???????
  • Liberated Cetacean Union (LCU)
  • Marshal & Carter (formerly Marshal, Carter, and Shark Ltd) — The whereabouts of Mr. Shark are currently unknown.
  • Navigations Unseen (NU) — The esoteric arm of the Global Organization of Countries.
  • Sharkic Cults — Worshippers of the Mistaken Beast.
Other Groups
  • Are We PETA Yet?
  • Coharminous Pelagic Society (CPS)
  • Containment Initiative — A schism in the Centre, dedicated to containing sharks.
  • Great American Watchmen (GAW)
  • Poseidon Laboratories
  • The Union of American States' Center for Institutionalised Impacting (UASCII) — A Centre precursor group. You know the drill.
  • World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) — Because there's no such thing as too many Foundations.

9. SCPs/SPCs Referenced


  • The necromancer that resurrects the Crispy Sex Pirates is Amos, from main universe's Amos' Shark Threshers. He was flung into another universe, unlocking latent necromancy powers and mysterious memories that were never his, which he used to accomolish long, luctative plans.

OTHER: Things I've Contributed to the Shark Punching Centre

  • Team Bird (Hub)
    • SPC-507
    • EE-3570
    • The Sacred Djehuti
    • Avian Anthology I
    • Avian Anthology II
  • SCP-4416
  • A Surprise Encounter with Crispy Sex Pirates
  • SPC-993
  • SCP-4190

The thing that inspired this ridiculous idea:

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