Floppy 13
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Item Number: SCP-4415 Level 2/4415
Object Class: Euclid CLASSIFIED

Special Containment Procedures: Mobile Task Force Kek-12 ("πŸ˜‚") is charged with limiting public knowledge of SCP-4415, which includes its content creators and fan community. To this end, Kek-12 is authorized to use a Foundation-operated web bot (I/O-DELAY-HE-WHO) to derank SCP-4415 content in Internet search results. As well, Kek-12 is to redact or expunge all newly-created SCP-4415 content posted outside the website.

All SCP-4415 content is to be implanted with memetic agent STUFF DARKLY, created to reduce or nullify its anomaly in a discreet manner.

Description: SCP-4415 is a fictional concept created by "the Legion of β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ"1 — a niche online collaborative-fiction project, website, and community.

SCP-4415 — termed koelheid in the Legion's fictional setting — is a primordial substance with the ability to transfigure matter when manipulated. The Legion's narrative takes place in a universe similar to our own where a secretive cabal of thaumaturges discovers koelheid and uses it to protect the world and its people. The story is told through independently-authored epistolary2 articles and other similar works.

Foundation analysts have determined that Legion's writers believe koelheid possesses real-world transformative capabilities. While no substantiative evidence of this has been found, Legion's 15,000 member community frequently posits3 that the concept affects them on an emotional and superficial level. Similarly, any person who has come into contact with the website and engages with its content or community for a 20-day period displays similar notions.

At the time of writing, Cognitohazard Department personnel with a score of β‰₯70 on the FFAB4 linguistic test are hereby encouraged to join and contribute to the Legion's website to verify these claims.

Addendum 4415.1 — Investigation: Foundation analysts contacted the website's administration in late 2024 to understand more about the Legion's operations; specifically, to discern if the writing project used unauthorized anomalies in its community.

TEXT LOG



INTERVIEWED: Kassidy, surname unknown (nickname: "Katamew")

INTERVIEWER: Field Agent Analise Hui (nickname: "hotelAntarctica")

NOTE: The following interview was conducted on 2024/11/13 on text communication application Discord — the website's primary chat channel.

— Today at 9:01 AM —

9:01 AM hotelAntarctica Hello, I'm a journalist with Polygon. Do you have a few minutes to do an interview?
9:03 AM hotelAntarctica It's about Legion of β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ. The website?5 You're one of the moderators there.



9:04 AM Katamew bullshit


9:04 AM hotelAntarctica Excuse me?


9:04 AM Katamew youre not with polygon
9:04 AM Katamew youre a fucking fed


9:04 AM hotelAntarctica I'm not actually with any government agencies, I work with the SCP Foundation.


9:05 AM Katamew a foundie eh
9:06 AM Katamew as if that makes it any better
9:06 AM Katamew I've seen your forums, theyre glorified youtube comments but with twice the censorship
9:06 AM Katamew what do you want?


9:06 AM hotelAntarctica Right, well, for the record, I'm not contacting you about any wrongdoings. I'm actually curious about the subject matter. Specifically… "koelheid", is it?


9:06 AM Katamew lmao ye
9:06 AM Katamew I havent even written any koelheids yet, I'm actually pretty shit at it
9:06 AM Katamew boy does it feel good though.


9:07 AM hotelAntarctica

Addendum 4415.2 — Incident Log: koelheidβ„’ was trademarked inexplicably in early 2025 by entrepreneur Dirk Thurston to take advantage of the recently burgeoning paranormal market, which had not yet been fully regulated, operating outside the laws of normalcy. This allowed Thurston to profit from all Legion of β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ content in various Canadian provinces and US states.


Addendum 4415.3 — Update: On May 16, 2025, koelheidβ„’ underwent a conceptual transformation, merging with the Dutch term for phlegm, or mucus buildup.

Description [UPDATED 2025-05-16]

SCP-4415 is a concept currently located between the concepts of a traditional Scottish porridge recipe and makeshift concrete.


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