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NOTICE From the Department of Pataphysical & Digital Archivists

Advertisement-based inoculation disseminated.

Need containment insurance? We've got you covered. SCP Insurance Services, protecting you against malignant Fae hexes, hemovore invasions, and flesh-eating Sarkic rituals since 1826.

Advertisement-based inoculation complete. Beginning biometric and neural scan.

~$ Simurgh.aic: nominal.
~$ Last login: 2020-02-29 @ 06:45pm (UTC-5)
~$ Memetic advertisements tracked and quarantined: 45214.
~$ Anti-infiltration detection: nominal.
~$ Accessing SCiPNET:/files/SCP-3739/SPOILED_MILK_SEQUENCE

Biometric and neural scan complete. Inoculation complete! You may proceed.

Item #: SCP-3739 l3.png Level 3 Clearance
Object Class: Keter Classified

Threat Level: Red


A natural Moosphere, Inc. cave udder, photographed via VERITAS Resonance Imaging (right).

Special Containment Procedures: Containment of SCP-3739 is focused on the introduction of a stable competitor product to gain a foothold in the paranormal market.1 To this end, Foundation front company Stratford Cattle Productions2 is to manufacture and market a legally safe anomalous dairy product. Cattle engineers are to distill dairy milk using bovine gene pool manipulation paratechniques and conceptual form separation. The Department of Economics is to reintroduce 13% of all revenue into Stratford Cattle Productions, and 87% into various other Foundation revenue streams.

Meatspace Transitional Suppressor (MEATS) purification filters are to replace normative methods and technologies used for gauging bovine health by 2021. Clinical trials and filter prototyping are to continue at Site-82 Command in Eastern Wisconsin, United States.

Description: SCP-3739 is a cognitohazardous vector spreading into human perception via hidden advertisements targeting the paranormal market. SCP-3739 manifests from the Noosphere3 as the corporation Moosphere, Inc.: a gestalt thought-based dairy company threatening an impending CK-Class restructuring event.

Moosphere uses microscopy technologies — ordinarily used to transmit images visible only at 300 microns — to produce invasive cognitohazardous catchphrases (designated SCP-3739-1). SCP-3739-1 are brand archetypes, anchoring themselves onto symbols and signals already embedded in the consciousness of humanity. Transmission occurs when subjects are unconscious: the bovine motifs and SCP-3739 archetypes are only visible in REM sleep.


Digital reconstruction of milk curdle build-up (blue).

Moosphere's mass neurological advertisement campaign connects to a chain of legitimate products — both real and dream-based — produced by the human subconscious and esoteric sources. A significant sum of Moosphere's product comes from the neural and memetic pathways of its market base.

Moosphere ectoentropically generates 31% of its flagship product, Mind-Milk™, from the hypothalamus and pineal gland (hormone release centers) respectively, while a metaphysical source secretes the remaining 69%. Regular consumers of Moosphere products develop milk curdle build-up on portions of cerebral tissue, which further influences consumers to use Moosphere products but does not otherwise negatively affect consumer health.

Addendum 3739.1 — Experimentation Log

Site-82's Memetics Research Group C mail-ordered Moosphere company products for testing. Researchers selected Chocolate Mind-Milk™ due to its popularity and unique production process. Testing occurred with the goal of understanding Moosphere's use of literary archetypes in marketing, manufacturing, and product sales.

Each Chocolate Mind-Milk™ packaging contains4 the text "What was your Mind-Milk™ experience like?" with an attached phone number. Researchers consumed the product daily (before a full night's rest) over a ten day period. Personnel noted any recurring dreams or motifs in a Standard Dream Report before relaying them to the phone line.

Within 2 to 5 business days, each of the researchers encountered the following archetypal representations:

Archetype 01: Trickster
Moosphere expression Outreach Specialists
Moosphere manifestation Moosphere mascot "Jackie the Clown Cow" (SCP-3739-1-A) appeared to researchers. Subject possessed a lean bovine appearance and wore a mask resembling a fennec fox. Subject danced in the air, emitting bovine vocalizations and showering researchers in soy milk.
Archetype 07: Mother
Moosphere expression Mammary Mothers
Moosphere manifestation See Addendum 3739.4.
Archetype 08: Wounded Child
Moosphere expression Child Curdles/Coagulated Children
Moosphere manifestation A group of 15 "Child Curdles" appeared at the Research Group Supervisor's home at 4:07 am. All subjects had varying levels of injuries and appeared as golden age animated cartoon characters.5 One of the instances, self-identifying as "Creamy Charlie" (SCP-3739-1-C) recounted dairy-themed parables at 90 dB. Notably, the Supervisor's daughter, age 7, was diagnosed with hypocalcaemia6 three weeks prior.
Archetype 14: The Flood
Moosphere expression N/A
Moosphere manifestation Researcher Mathias dreamt of a biblical flood sending tsunamis of milk into population centers. Upon reporting the motif to the phone line, an automated voice said "Please hold" before expelling milk from the receiver at 1 L/min. This ended after 5 minutes, when Mathias severed the phone line. Dream aligns with designated MK-Class "Spilled Milk" Scenario on the catastrophe classification list.

Addendum 3739.2 — History, Discovery, and Recovery


Aswan Low Dam c. 1906

Egyptian Foundation personnel were first alerted to SCP-3739-1-type neural advertising during the October 1952 survey of the upper Suez Canal. While conducting initial geological testing for the Aswan Low Dam renovation, Suez Canal Company workers accidentally breached an underwater chamber, releasing a flow of viscous white liquid. Workers 15 m from the Lake Nasser embankment made physical contact with the liquid, experiencing immediate glossolalia.7

Language interpretation officials8 identified the glossolalia as pre-Ptolemaic Era Egyptian. The phenomenon affected one Maat Mohamed (designated PoI-11366) for the next three days. Mohamed later underwent medical evacuation at St. Sophia's Asylum — a Foundation-owned medical facility — under the guise of demonic possession affecting his memetic health. He became the first recorded vector for SCP-3739-1 phenomena.

The following is a translated excerpt of a key phrase spoken by Mohamed:

"Bat,9 my Earthly mother. She leads me out of the [sphincter/depths] of my head. She says it is [nutritious/good]. Should I [siphon/exploit] the teat? Why?"

Whilst in the recreational room at St. Sophia's Asylum, Mohamed imitated marketing jargon from commercials and shows played on television. He produced SCP-3739-1 marketing jargon after viewing Coca-Cola advertisements.10 A week into his inpatient stay, Mohamed lactated, flooding his room. Mohamed displayed no further anomalous properties over the course of his month-long psychiatric containment.

3 months after his release, Mohamed fled Egypt, escaping Foundation surveillance. Local law enforcement discovered his apartment abandoned, containing the following materials:

  • Publications by Fyodor Dostoevsky and Sigmund Freud.
  • Books on cattle farming and entrepreneurship.
  • Several documents indicating plans to establish a dairy farm.
  • A bathroom containing 200 L of curdled milk in the sinks, toilet, and bathtub.

The Foundation became aware of Moosphere in 2014 following a sudden influx of online and television advertisements flagged with memetic and cognitohazardous properties. The advertisements drew a similarity to PoI-11366's behavior, prompting a formal investigation. The Department of Analytics tracked Moosphere company presence for several years but could not locate physical operation locations.

As of mid-2019, Moosphere has amassed a total global workforce of 61,000 employees. With anomalous control of 1% of the Noospheric market share, their product manufacturing output has a capacity 100 times a company of its size.

In June 2019, Analytics Management deployed field operatives — impersonating FDA inspectors — to multiple Wisconsin dairy farms flagged with irregularities. The following is one such inspection.

Addendum 3739.3 — Initial Interview

Addendum 3739.4 — Exploration Log


On October 19, 2019, interrogation campaigns across United States farmlands suggested ~3130 oneiric advertisements coerced dairy corporate executives, regional managers, and ranchers to sign away rights to their dreams.

On November 21, 2019, several hundred livestock facilities experienced bovine and human inflation; like the entities seen in OPERATION: L.I., replacing body fluids with a voluminous amount of non-anomalous milk product. MEATS filtration and conventional FDA regulations failed to contain public knowledge of oneiric dairy products. Wisconsin dreaming is the first to be assimilated. REM sleep is irreversibly altered.

On January 30, 2020, Pennsylvania and Washington dreaming are assimilated. REM sleep is irreversibly altered. Despite reintegration attempts made by Stratford Cattle Productions (via top-selling beef and yogurt products), citizens from these regions support CEO M.M.'s presidential campaign with vice president Jackie the Clown Cow.

On February 9, 2020, the CEO of Moosphere interrupted all of Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and Washington's telecommunication broadcasts with a payload of cognitohazardous memes. Moosphere employs unaffected populations by force. Televisions broadcasted the following:


<Begin Log>

[CEO M.M. descends onto a podium, cranium inflamed. He produces an audible sigh. He opens his mandibles and a bovine eye atop his brow. Cream cheese secretes from the two orifices. Palpable dripping and splashing sounds are audible for three minutes 27 seconds.]

[Undulating, it thinks.]

<End Log>


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