Couple's Therapy

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Couple's Therapy


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2025

25 August


Dr. Ngo stuck a single bitterbal with a fresh toothpick, then dipped it in the side of mustard. Once sufficiently content with the coating of the yellow substance, she bit into the snack contentedly. This was not the first time she had it; Ilse had recently taken to making different food for Jay and James in an effort to show off her country's culture and cuisine and she often brought the leftovers to their sessions. This was the second week in a row she brought the bitterballen.

"Oh, this is good. Did you add nutmeg this time?" Ngo asked, covering her mouth as she chewed.

"Yes. Jay forgot to buy some last week, so it didn't taste how I remembered it," Ilse looked to her partner, who sat beside her on Ngo's therapy couch, and frowned.

"You didn't ask me for any, dear. But it's okay, James and I liked it anyway. And this time it tasted even better!" Jay smiled, leaning forward and grabbing a toothpick to help themselves to a bitterbal from the table in front of them.

Ilse pouted, Ngo finished chewing and swallowed, then reached to the side table on her left to grab her cup of white tea. She took a sip as Ilse removed her glasses, wiping them clean before fixing her gaze upon her.

"Okay. I think we're ready to begin. I already know the both of you from our individual sessions, but this is our first meeting for couple's therapy. I want to start out by asking, why do you feel you need couple's therapy?" Ngo asked, gently placing her cup on the table beside her once more.

Ilse sighed, then looked to their partner again. Jay nodded and set down their toothpick on the table, putting their only arm over Ilse.

"I— I feel like everything is moving so fast. Time means nothing to me and yet I feel suffocated by this relationship. I know I want to be in it, but at the same time, I can't stand it. I just don't know what to do. I've never felt this way before and it is so frustrating," Ilse started, gesturing at Jay.

"And Jay? If I recall, couple's therapy was your idea," Ngo folded her hands on her lap.

"I love Ilse, but—"

"There's that word," Ilse interrupted, shaking her head slightly. "'Love.' How can you say that? We've been together a year. We would have been living together had I not said something when I did."

"Because I do love you, Ilse. And I respect the fact that you wanted a little distance, which is why I moved into the Site and not with you," Jay said. "Do you not want me to say 'I love you'? Please be honest with me."

Ilse looked to Ngo, who merely nodded encouragingly.

"I — I don't know. It's not that I don't care about you, Jay," she sighed. "But I'm still new to… this."

"What do you mean by 'this'?" Ngo interjected.

Ilse fidgeted.

"She means being queer."

"Jay!" she caterwauled, face red. "That's a slur!"

"No, it's reclaimed. We can say it," Jay nudged her with their arm, smiling. "Thanks to the good ol' queers of the 80s, 90s, and aughts, we can say it as much as we want. Besides, even if it weren't, we are the subject. We can say it."

Ilse looked to Ngo again, desperately trying to eke out if what Jay was saying made sense. She was met with a reassuring smile and nod.

The redhead let loose a puff of steam from her nostrils before adjusting her glasses. She cleared her throat.

"I just… I guess I had never pictured myself as having a family, but if I did, I supposed it was going to be with a man. But Jay makes me feel like no one else. I don't know if it's love. I never dated before in my life, I never had the time. But now that I do, I feel like I want to be with them, but all this sudden affection is making me feel crowded."

Ngo assented.

"Well, Ilse, we can discuss your feelings of struggling with your queer identity—"

"Can she say it?" Ilse turned to Jay.

"It's not a bad word. It's used as an umbrella term. Also, it's rude to speculate on people's identities, especially to their face, dear."

"Okay. Sorry, Nhung. Go ahead."

Jay and Ngo shared a look, then laughed before the latter continued: "As I was saying, we can discuss your feelings of struggling with your queer identity when we meet for individual therapy on Thursday. But for now, I want to focus on your relationship to Jay."

"Okay."

"It sounds to me like you do want to be a part of this relationship, but it needs to move a little slower for you to be comfortable in it. Would you say that's accurate?"

"Yes."

"And Jay, would you be okay with reducing your affection level to Ilse? Maybe asking for her consent before you engage in PDA?"

"Of course," they nodded, moving slightly away from their partner and resting their hand on the cushion. "Sorry for making you uncomfortable, Ilse."

"It's not that you're making me uncomfortable, dear," she moved her hand on top of Jay's on the couch, gently grasping it. "It's that… I'm not one hundred percent comfortable in my own skin yet as a 'queer' person."

Jay sighed.

"Ilse, you are queer. You're a demi-woman dating a fem-presenting genderfluid person."

"They have a point, Ilse," Ngo chimed in, reaching for her teacup. She took another, much bigger sip now that it had cooled a bit.

"It's just that — As much as I have studied, I never took the time to study myself. All those years in the incinerator learning facts and science, but avoiding myself. For the world's most over-educated person, I sure am pretty stupid."

"Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit and wisdom is knowing a tomato would not go well in a fruit salad," Jay offered a goofy smile.

She chuckled.

"Are you referencing that game you played with your old associates from 55?"

"You know I am."

"Dork."

"That's my line!"

Ilse smiled, resting her head on their partner's shoulder tenderly. Jay moved to put their arm around her, but stopped themselves.

"May I?" they asked.

"Of course."

The couple hugged as Ngo went for another biterbal with her toothpick.









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