Essay 1609
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The Remains of a Chair's Rhetoric

by Calvin Bold

The Foundation is good. We do good things, no matter the cost. This is a lesson, drilled into our minds, from the day we are hired, until the day we are forcibly retired. We are in the moral right; to drive that home, we often compare ourselves to The Global Occult Coalition (GOC). 'It's Secure, Contain, Protect, not Destroy, Destroy, Destroy' — a simple, catchy phrase that any new trainee should know by heart. While other organizations may deal with anomalies, we are the best at handling them.

If you've worked for the Foundation for long enough, you will soon realize that entire idea is false. We have just as much capacity for maliciousness, if not more; and yet, there is the constant refrain that we are better than the GOC. There is a need to have the moral superiority; an independent organization that is more morally correct than one directly sponsored by the United Nations is one that cannot be criticized.

We hide beneath the protection of 'the greater good' — perhaps it is for the perception from other anomalous communities, or just a desire to be seen as the 'right' choice for all things anomalous. I, however, would argue that we tell ourselves these lies for one, simple reason:

We must be better than the rest, otherwise, why do we still work here?

Have you ever considered how the Foundation crafts this narrative? How the organization shifts the narrative, twists perspectives, changes the very context within which an idea is presented, to reinforce that delusion? Do you ever wonder if, maybe, the very documents that you are reading are nothing more than internal propaganda, brainwashing the new, impressionable minds of Junior Researchers?

I have. In depth. In fact, I have combed through our database routinely, and each time, one documents stands out to me as the epitome of the Foundation creating a false narrative, to ease our collective conscience: SCP-1609.


[[SCP-1069]] is one of the first files new employees come across in the Foundation. It's a "General Reading" file, one available to every Level 1 Foundation employee.

But why is that? What is SCP-1609 really, and what lessons is Dr. Sievert teaching new employees through its file?

Firstly let’s analyze how the Foundation is presented in the document.

SCP-1609 is to be contained in a specially-designed enclosure at that site, within a flower bed in which a range of aesthetically-pleasing flowers and plants are to be cultivated.

From the very beginning of the file, the author is talking about a specially-designed place for the anomaly filled with, specifically, “aesthetically-pleasing flowers and plants”. This sounds nice, but aesthetics is highly subjective, and who is to say SCP-1609 has the same sensibilities as any of us?

The flower bed is to be tended regularly, and all visitors to the enclosure must remark on the beauty of the flowerbed, with particular emphasis on the quality of the mulch.

Again, the con procs only ask that we be nice. Pretty flowers and compliments for the anomaly. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn’t it?

Personnel are to announce their intentions in the presence of SCP-1609 before attempting to remove it for this purpose.

Surely this is the protocol for any sentient anomaly, unless otherwise specified. (If it isn’t, we should be looking into that). But for an outsider looking in ( a new employee perhaps?) this demonstrates that the Foundation treats sentient anomalies with respect, even when those sentients are very different from humans.

Should SCP-1609 be sighted outside of its containment area following a violent reaction, staff are to act in a submissive, non-threatening manner.

Staff are to ask SCP-1609 to return to containment without attempting to threaten or command it.

And these continue to present the Foundation as behaving exclusively in a respective, polite manner at all times. The conprocs rely entirely on the object’s willingness to remain contained, with no failsafes in the scenario where it fails to comply, as if this isn’t remotely in question. What a polite anomaly this must be!

SCP-1609 has resisted all attempts to remove it from the confines of Storage Site-08, teleporting back to the site of its own accord. However, it has previously teleported out of Storage Site-08 for brief periods before returning, although this has only happened on █ occasions since its arrival in Foundation custody.

Wow! Not only does SCP-1609 willingly remain in containment, it always chooses to come back if it’s ever removed. Even when it leaves of its own accord, it always comes back? Amazing! It is mildly concerning that it can just leave whenever it wants to, of course, but that only happened briefly…. How many times? Well I guess that must be highly confidential for… some reason, but there’s only one blackbox, so it must be less than 10, right? It couldn’t possibly be designed that way to obfuscate the true number.

To me, this story is highly suspect. Why isn’t the Foundation more concerned about an anomaly being able to breach any time it pleases? Why don’t we have any plans in place in case it refuses to come back of its own accord? And why is the file so vague as to how many times it has escaped, how long it has escaped, and what it does when it escapes?

SCP-1609 arrived in Foundation custody on ██/██/████, after teleporting into an unused containment cell at Storage Site-08 in its current state.

So not only does this anomaly choose to stay contained, and choose to return anytime it’s removed from containment, but SCP-1609 put itself in containment. Not only that, but it chose an unused containment cell. How convenient.

It is unknown how SCP-1609 was aware of the existence of the Foundation, although it is theorised that it entered Foundation custody due to a low risk of further damage to itself.

There’s a lot of interesting subtext going on in the phrasing of this excerpt, the latter part especially. The anomaly didn’t submit itself to containment or imprisonment, but into “custody” specifically. A word which could mean both imprisonment, but also protective care, guardianship, parental responsibility. This could be purely coincidental, but taking this into account alongside the very positive way in which the Foundation is portrayed within the file suggests to me an agenda to portray the Foundation not as a strict jailor but as a loving caretaker.

It's afraid of the rest of the world now, and it's looking to us for protection.

This just cements it completely to me. The anomaly came to us for protection, the anomaly is afraid of the rest of the world. The relationship between the Foundation and SCP-1609 is presented as almost parental in nature. The compliments, the pretty flowers, never being violent, trusting that it’ll always come back, the anomaly practically leaping into our arms because it somehow knows that this kind organization will protect it from the big bad world.

Arguments/Analysis

staff are to act in a submissive, non-threatening manner

the implication that this should not be the norm

Details of SCP-1609’s behaviour are poorly understood, although it has been ascertained that it will react in self-preservation, and will react aggressively to certain stimuli which it connects with a threat to its existence.

How do we know this is intended as aggression? How do we know it considers anything a threat to its existence? Clearly it's still fine after being shredded, albeit in a different form. Maybe this is its new way of trying to get close to people.

Violent responses from SCP-1609 are rare — only █ such events have occurred since containment, and SCP-1609 quickly reverts to a passive state after such a response if it does not continue to feel threatened.

If the chair can't communicate then how does the Foundation really know what it's feeling.

both Foundation operatives and members of the Global Occult Coalition were made aware of the existence of SCP-1609

Due to the hard-to-contain nature of SCP-1609 and the possibility of its existence causing a breach of secrecy regarding the existence of supernatural phenomena, a small-scale effort to contain SCP-1609 was launched by GOC forces.

So, this section tells us that both the GOC and the Foundation knew about the item, admits that it was hard to contain and mentions the GOC going after it, but not the Foundation. Why is this? If you read into it there's implication of coordination, or the Foundation at least admitting that the GOC would make the most sense to deal with it.

It is presently unknown how exactly GOC operatives captured SCP-1609, but it is known that they succeeded in reducing the object into its current form using a woodchipper

Why is this unknown? Why not cooperate with the GOC in some capacity to exchange information on the item? Does the GOC know they have it? If this document gets spread around the Foundation then supposedly they would. This very document mentions that there are official channels between the GOC and the Foundation, and there's no reason presented as to why this should be kept a secret from the GOC.

Further attempts to destroy SCP-1609 failed, due to its properties and ability to teleport away from sources of danger.

If it has that ability, how did it get shredded? Unknown, because of lack of coordination with the GOC, which again begs the question, why the lack of coordination?

Investigation through both official channels and embedded Foundation agents within the GOC has potentially linked SCP-1609 to at least three deaths of personnel within the Coalition, although the true number of casualties amassed due to their mishandling of the item is unknown.

Only potentially? What's the range here? What's the cause of death? Could 1609 be being used as an excuse to cover something up?

It is unknown how SCP-1609 was aware of the existence of the Foundation, although it is theorised that it entered Foundation custody due to a low risk of further damage to itself.

This line in the document is very much framed with the implication that not only is the Foundation safe, but it has a reputation for that, even with inanimate objects?

SCP-1609 represents a perfect example of the flaws inherent in the operating procedure of the GOC, and serves as a cautionary tale for any members of the Foundation who disagree with our practices on containing dangerous objects.

Very obvious bias in that, (and the entirety of Document 1609-1 frankly,) from the author showing how they feel about the SCP Foundation vs the GOC and the methodology

Thankfully, SCP-1609 is pretty simple for us to deal with.

How does this gel with 1609 previously being referred to as "hard-to-contain"? Is it easier to contain now than it was as a chair? Does that mean the shredding was ultimately a good thing, for the Foundation at least, despite the shit that Sievert is giving the GOC?

Other stuff:

Why is the range blackboxed? Why is the weight blackboxed? Might this document not be being honest about the usage of the item? i.e. maybe they've seperated a portion of it for some reason?

Note:
Might be notable in the Foundation's portrayal of itself that it mentions mulching flowerbeds specifically? Positive connotations with flowers and all

on encouraging SCP-1609 to remain within its containment area.

implies that the object WANTS to stay contained. Its door is basically unlocked and it stays contained because it wants to. pro-Foundation propaganda?

it has previously teleported out of Storage Site-08 for brief periods before returning,

same thing. Willingly returning after only a short period

in the form of a reclining woman in a restful state.

humanizing anomaly? They could well just be making up what it used to look like, it's not like there's picture evidence and it's not in that form anymore

page revision: 13, last edited: 06 Jun 2025 21:30
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