John and Cét + 26 + 6

Threat Level: Red

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Special Containment Procedures: charlesi.AIC is to monitor the internet for images, videos, and descriptions of entities matching SCP-XXXX, with priority given to sightings within the Republic of Ireland. Confirmed sightings are to be investigated by Mobile Task Force Theta-6 ("Witch Hunters").

SCP-XXXX-1 through -26 are to be contained at their respective areas of discovery. Each is to be fortified against incursion from SCP-XXXX. In the event SCP-XXXX breaches the perimeter of any such containment site, the Foundation is to call an emergency meeting between the Republic of Ireland, the United Kingdom, the Horizon Initiative, and the office of O5-8. The resurrection of SCP-XXXX-# instances are to be facilitated by any means necessary.

A second, informal line of defense must be established to defend the integrity of the Republic of Ireland.

Description: SCP-XXXX appears to be a middle-aged European male; however, SCP-XXXX has not aged since its first confirmed sighting in 1533. Consensus history identifies SCP-XXXX as John Calvin, a Protestant reformer who inspired the Calvinist theology. Recovered evidence suggests that SCP-XXXX faked its death, reemerging across history in multiple personages.¹

Capturing SCP-XXXX has proven difficult: in addition to possessing abnormal strength for a 507-year-old human being, SCP-XXXX is extensively proficient in martial arts, acrobatics, and thaumaturgy, the latter of which appears to be drawn from [REDACTED]. According to records recovered from former GoI-001-D² outposts, SCP-XXXX's primary goal is to hunt and kill instances of SCP-XXXX-#.

For every county of an independent Ireland, SCP-XXXX-# is a humanoid bound to said county. Instances of SCP-XXXX-# possess a chitinous exoskeleton, resembling anthropomorphized Cicadetta luculenta³, and do not experience senescence. Each instance is proficient in a specific school of martial arts and thaumaturgy.

Whenever instances of SCP-XXXX-# are killed by SCP-XXXX, Akiva Radiation in their respective county experiences a sharp decrease, limiting the efficacy of miracles and divine intervention. Correspondingly, the souls of all entities that die within said territories are subject to damnation; notably, this has been observed to apply to organisms typically exempt from damnation, such as vegetables and donkeys.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-# can be revived, reversing this effect; however, the territory must be under control of the Republic of Ireland, or otherwise independent of foreign influence. To this end, SCP-XXXX has consistently attempted to undermine Ireland's autonomy.

Simulations run by the Foundation suggest that the death of all instances of SCP-XXXX-# would trigger an irreversible decrease in Akiva Radiation, leading to a TD-Class Total Depravity Scenario wherein all entities, regardless of faith, works, or religion, are eternally damned.

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There were funky Irish men from funky Ireland
They were chopping French theologian John Calvin up
They were chopping French theologian John Calvin down
It's an ancient Irish art
And everybody knew their part
From a feinting, to a slip
And a kickin' from the mesothorax

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1. I used to think John Calvin and Oliver Cromwell were the same person.
2. I am forever mad that the Veggietales Veggies can't receive salvation.
3. Fuck Ted Wheeler.

Footnotes

1. Notable instances include English dictator Oliver Cromwell, American theologian Rousas John Rushdoony, and Portland mayor Ted Wheeler.

2. "His Holiness's Eyes and Shield", a Irish-Catholic normalcy organization that operated from 1111 to 1802, when they were dissolved on the suspicion of harboring Gnostic sentiments.

3. Stained Glass Cicada, a now extinct species of cicada native to Ireland.