-Consider splitting ‘Act I’ into two new acts. Add in a possible scene with Segrusa and Freydis going to see inland villages and assess conditions post negotiation of improved conditions. Work better in current Act I or Act II?
-tweak and focus a bit more on the richness and luxury of Finnfelheim/its surrounding settlements to contrast.
-references to Freydis’s visions bleeding into her perceived reality?
Possible other edits: Remove the portions aboard the Krakens? Or trim down.
Look at having a possible split path with the destruction of the internal village/stronghold of the idealogues?
Fallout from there.
Focus more on how much despair/discomfort Freydis experiences as Segrusa has to become more and more warlike.
Offset 1:
- Introduction to the city with Alanna falling through the events she'll come to live (already written and integretated)
- Opening sequence by the fire with the Mither/Alva
- Coming to consciousness on the surface Kraken, overlayed with Freydis' soul. Arrival at the gates of Finnfelheim and Freydis fading into a vision and tumbling overboard as the doors to the canal open.
- Vision of the past Giving Freydis's story up until that moment. Emphasis on Freydis being called to even thousands of miles away by the City. At the end, Freydis and Segrusa receiving the Queen's letter, destiny set to become the next governor of Finnfelheim.
- Waking up in the Governors Bedchambers of Finnfelheim, having to reorient herself. Proper introduction to the city visually with Freydis out on the balcony.
- Layer in a bit of mystery here about the previous governor? Vision in-between this segment and the next. Governor directing resources towards something.
- Commercial district segment. Introduce multiple plot elements (strained trade and material conditions due to unusual weather cycles, lore background with the Finnfelheim song introducing Freydis' longing for her parents presence and what her mother did, whispers/rumors about the previous governor in passing conversation.)
- Residential District Segment. Further build the rumors/mystery behind the previous governor/improprieties? Flaws?
- Luxury/Artistic/Artisan Ring Segment. End the introduction to the city, Freydis tells Segrusa they need to get to the bottom of what happened to the previous governor, what's going on. Auditory hypnotic inducement from artwork into beginning recall of buried/suppressed memories. Loses consciousness to a vision.
Offset-2
- Wake up back in the bedchambers. Disoriented. Segrusa enters with food/drink, gets her up to speed. Freydis insists they should track down the leads, Segrusa informs her of a task the priesthood has for them.
- Go to see head priestess, on the way lost momentarily in interpretation, flash to past mother and the Scarlett King. Arrive in the core of the palace/temple. Mission to the first village acquired, fortunate because it allows them to start retracing previous governor's steps.
- 13th Ring - Gathering materials and food for the village, possibly leave much the same? Talking to farmers about previous governor's disposition, and goals?
- Village scene: Much the same, talking to the villagers about what the governor was doing out here. Sprinkle hints about the people further inland. Hijacking of a skiff, fight ensues again.
Offset-3
- Segrusa segment somewhere in here? Give her perspective on how events are proceeding.
- Rise in bedchamber again. Vision of her mother diving in the Bay of Bengal to fight the 12th.
- Interrogation of the Human dissident. Learn more things about the previous governor (Didn't want to dedicate resources to further expanding Finnfolk influence and borders. Had a goal/vision in mind, was funneling resources into. Give more detail here about it?) Freydis comes away disturbed. Segrusa and Freydis disagree about next steps, Segrusa recognizes cycle of violence, danger ahead, but Freydis insists on peaceful route?
- Freydis and Segrusa continue retracing Governors last steps. 10th/12th ring, more inquiries into the previous governor, retool expositional worldbuilding to explain character motivations and actions. Same with previous sections.
- Second village: largely the same, bring livestock and timber in to help rebuild. Ask about governor, but yet more dead-ends about why he had come out this way. Kraken stealing occurs, Freydis deflects the beam. Falls unconscious from vision shortly after, rising alarm that humans can operate a Kraken.
Offset 4
- Largely the same. Inject more about the Previous Governor's behavior. Discovery of a plan in the 1st/2nd ring. An experimental project to tap into the source at the heart of Finnfelheim.
- 7th/11th Ring. Give more insight into previous governor's policies and idosyncricies. Industry and resources being dedicated to this experimental prototype at expense of external territories.
- Battle and ambush at over the seas.
- Fly inland to locate the dissident stronghold. Discover the remnants of a crash scar. Kraken is gone/stripped of parts, but remains of the Finnfolk including the governor are still there. Fly on to the Stronghold and negotiate a peace, though it's clear it won't last.
Offset 5
- Think the 1st/2nd ring segment is still good but I can reword/rework to show how even reversing previous governor's policies still didn't undo the larger damage. Whispers of unrest, Segrusa and Freydis having a bit of tension over whether or not they did the right thing in not tracking down the Kraken's components.
- Freydis stumbling through the bowels of the palace, and discovering the truth about the Governor's project. He was working on a large scale energy generation to massively expand the city. Experimental. Freydis struck by inspiration for, if things had gone differently, launching Finnfelheim into space in a moment of vision? The tool to reach the heavens so they can eventually free their goddess.
- Continue with the beginning of the true unraveling with the 9th ring. I think everything largely the same from there.
Offset 6:
- Largely the same. Perhaps a bigger sense of progression on the retreat of Finnfolk borders.
- Scene where Freydis finally finds the passageway
Offset 7:
Unraveling of everything.