Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Researcher Haruto is no longer permitted to leave Site-55. Due to the disturbance SCP-XXXX causes in Haruto's daily life, he has been removed from all research duties until further notice. A Japanese translator is to be present at all times during SCP-XXXX testing periods.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a Class-3 ectoplasmic entity manifesting from Researcher Haruto's sphincter. It self-identifies as Yanagawa Kenzaburo, a 16th-century Japanese peasant from Kyoto. SCP-XXXX originally manifested on 26/07/2022, after Haruto expelled gas during a research team meeting.
Addendum XXXX.1:
Note: The following was captured on a recorded conference call over the Foundation-developed EYECON teleconferencing software during a Site-55 staff meeting.
Gordon: … and that goes for you too, Linda. Just because we allow the anomalies to get away with some social faux pas doesn't mean it's okay for you to go around making people uncomfortable. Understood?
Linda: Understood.
Person 1: That includes things like what happened with the microwave—
Linda: (Interrupting) Yes I understand!
Gordon: Alright. Next up on the agenda is…
Haruto: (Pained groaning)
Pat: Are you okay?
Haruto: Yes of course— (More loud, painful groaning)
Pat: Look we can take a quick 5-minute break if that's what you need…
Haruto: No no. I'll be—
Haruto: (More painful groaning as Haruto grips the table in front of him. Suddenly, a thunderous bout of flatulence fills the room and Haruto begins to whimper. After 45 seconds of noise, the room falls silent.)
Haruto: I, uhm, I-
Pat: (Coughing and hurriedly) Yeah, I- I really- Look, everyone, we will continue out on the front lawn in 5 minutes. Haruto, go to the washroom or something buddy, I don't know.
(As everyone stands to quickly leave the room, Haruto leads the charge. Upon reaching full extension of his knees, another bout of flatulence begins that forces Haruto back into his chair. Along with the natural sounds, a distinct pained, muffled screaming is heard during quieter moments.)
(Suddenly, Haruto shoots into a standing position, clutches at the back of his pants, and begins to speed-walk with small steps towards the door. A distinct bulge is observed where his hands are seen clutching.)
(The individuals remaining in the room stand still for ten seconds in silence, pinching their noses, before all looking at each other.)
Linda: What the fuck was that?
Addendum XXXX.2: The following is a log of SCP-XXXX's classification, recorded by Researcher Tolme.
Note: The following interview was carried out in Japanese to accommodate communication for SCP-XXXX.
<BEGIN LOG>
[Tolme backs away from the camera as it starts. She retreats towards an office chair to sit across Researcher Haruto, who is sitting on a fold-out chair with SCP-XXXX visible behind him.]
Tolme: Hello, Haruto. Do the replacement pants we got you fit well?
Haruto: They do, yeah.
SCP-XXXX: I'm coming out of this man's butthole, and you're worried about his pants?! What craziness is this?
Tolme: We're used to all sorts of weird things happening here. By the way, do you have a name, sir?
SCP-XXXX: Yanagawa Kenzaburo! I don't know how I wound up here or what sort of foul magic is at play, but I just wish to return to my wife and children. I do not know this man, but he is probably responsible for whatever caused this to happen. Please punish him post-haste!
Haruto: W-what? No! You came out of my asshole, dude! I don't know why you were up there in the first place, but I was doing just fine until you came around!
Tolme: Gentlemen, please. This is a very frustrating situation for both of you, and I understand that. But we need to focus on figuring out what, if anything, caused this. We'll start with you, Kenzaburo-sensei. Please tell me what the last thing you remember is before you appeared here.
SCP-XXXX: I don't see how that will help, but very well. I remember I was very sick. My wife was taking care of me and my children were working the field in my absence. I also remember suddenly feeling very sleepy and then falling asleep for what felt like a long time. I woke up in a tight, dark place that smelled bad. Then I heard a rip of thunder and saw a light, so I crawled toward it. The next thing I knew, I was connected to this bastard and was in this strange place.
Tolme: I see. Do you know what year it was when this happened?
SCP-XXX: It was tenbun 19.1
Haruto: Tenbun? What does that mean?
Tolme: We'll let the historians sort it out later. Kenzaburo-sensei, are you familiar with the Gregorian calendar?
SCP-XXXX: Grego… Gregor… Gregorian? What the hell is that?
Tolme: I think he might have died before Japan adopted the Gregorian calendar.
Haruto: I uh, also don't know what that is.
Tolme: Yes you do. It's the 12-month calendar.
Haruto: Oh.
SCP-XXXX: Wait, did you say 'died'? Am I dead?!
Tolme: That is the current theory.
SCP-XXXX: No… No! This can't be! I refuse to believe this! No! Nooo!
[As SCP-XXXX screams, Haruto groans and folds over in apparent pain.]
Tolme: Kenzaburo-sensei, please settle down! Look, you're causing Haruto pain!
[SCP-XXXX continues screaming. Haruto begins to groan louder until a thunderous flatulence is heard emanating from him. SCP-XXXX shimmers a vibrant shade of pink as this happens. Tolme pinches her nose.]
Tolme: Fascinating. It appears that SCP-XXXX is connected to Haruto's gastrointestinal system somehow. I wonder if disconnecting them is at all possible.
[SCP-XXXX continues to scream for 45 seconds. Haruto continues to expel flatulence until it stops, appearing to take a moment to collect itself.]
SCP-XXXX: I… No. I cannot believe this. I lead a good life. I was kind to my wife and children. I was so certain I had followed the eightfold path to the best of my ability… But alas, I am punished to be attached to the butthole of this idiot…
Haruto: [Panting] Fuck you, man. I was perfectly happy until you came along to ruin my life. Now I'm the very thing I work to keep in check. God damn it. Now I won't be able to live a normal life when I'm old enough to retire… Not unless I get rid of you!
[Haruto stands and attempts to grab SCP-XXXX to no avail.]
Tolme: Sit down, please.
Haruto: Fine. But I am not happy with this situation.
SCP-XXXX: Do you think I'm content in this situation myself?
Haruto: Shut up.
Tolme: Please, behave yourselves.
[SCP-XXXX opens its mouth momentarily but appears to decide not to speak. Haruto takes a seat on his folding chair.]
Tolme: Now for you, Haruto. Do you recall eating anything unusual in the last few days or perhaps interacting with some sort of anomaly that might have caused this?
Haruto: Not really. I ate at a Japanese restaurant in town for dinner last night, but I do that pretty frequently.
SCP-XXXX: You say 'Japanese restaurant' as if that were not the norm. Are you to tell me I have been banished on top of being forced to coexist with this moron?
Tolme: We are in a country far away from Japan. We are in the United States, a country that didn't exist when you were alive. Technically in a country within a country. We are in Massachusetts.
SCP-XXXX: Great. Just great.
Tolme: Now, let me ask you this, Kenzaburo-sensei. Do you think you could go back inside of Haruto here?
SCP-XXXX: Are you joking? I have no desire to do such a thing. And even if I wanted to, it would be much too tight of a fit.
Tolme: Would you be willing to try?
SCP-XXXX: Never.
Tolme: Well, Haruto, it looks like you're going to be stuck with Kenzaburo-sensei for the foreseeable future.
Haruto: Just what I wanted to hear.
SCP-XXXX: As if I wanted to be stuck to you, idiot.
Haruto: Fuck you, old man.
SCP-XXXX: What did you say to me, you little shit-for-brains?
[SCP-XXXX shimmers pink again, causing Haruto to bend over in apparent pain.]
Haruto: I-if anything, you're the r-real shit-for-brains considering w-where you're coming out from… bitch.
SCP-XXXX: Why, you little—
//[SCP-XXXX shimmers pink again as it reaches forward to attempt to strangle Haruto. Haruto doubles over in pain and expels flatulence, and SCP-XXXX's hands phase through him.
Haruto: Y-youre just l-like my father! You bastard!
Tolme: Okay! Why don't we call this interview off here?
[Tolme stands and approaches the camera, shutting it off.]
<END LOG>
Addendum XXXX.3: Following Researcher Haruto's remark that SCP-XXXX was behaving "just like my [sic] father", Researcher Tolme began an investigation into SCP-XXXX's civilian identity and Researcher Haruto's family history. It was discovered that Haruto was in fact a direct descendant of Kenzaburo. Upon being informed of this, SCP-XXXX remarked "I am ashamed that my descendant is such a disappointment."