ssri rx i tab qd po

rating: +1+x

SSRI Rx i tab q.d. p.o.


Asterisk43.png

Hi, Nhung.

Yeah, sorry. Ilse couldn't take James so I had to ask Valeria if she could watch him while we did our session, or whatever is left of it.

No, I'm alright, thank you. I had coffee an hour ago.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Well, it's been going okay, I guess. Same old same old. Appreciate what you have before it's gone, you know? Just taking things day by day. Letting all the little minutia into my life. I wish I could say it's been pleasant, but it really hasn't. I keep having these — I guess episodes — where I feel like I'm out in the middle of Lake Huron and I'm drowning. And no one can hear me, of course. But yeah, appreciating what I have before it's gone. And I can't help but feel that day is going to come sooner rather than later.

Yes. The cancer they cut out of me has me reflecting on my own impermanence again. James and Ilse, they're forever. But me, I'm just… a fixed point in time. James only just recently learned what death is because he asked what happened to Director Scout and Director Rydderech. No, we didn't tell him what happened to the Site when… yeah. It was an awkward few months.

Right, sorry. Yes. My impermanence. I feel sort of bad. And selfish. Ilse and James, they get the privilege of being around as long the world keeps turning. I don't. I only have what, thirty more years? Maybe forty if I'm lucky. And God knows what's going to happen to James when Milo dies.

I mean that James is a special kid. Not in a bad way, he's very tender and loving. You know him, you've seen him play. He's so full of love for everyone and everything, even if he's a little scared at first. Once he trusts you, he's himself around you, and who he is is incredible and the little boy of my dreams, and I just — Yeah. Milo is James' best friend. As long as the dog has his vest off, the two are playing.

Ilse — God. Ilse. She's going to be hit even harder when it inevitably happens. She told me she shouldn't form earthly attachments because they were all doomed to end. And I still stayed through it. I didn't think about it. If I really, truly loved her, I would have let her go. She was right. She was right. I was selfish for telling her I loved her. I'm the problem here. I'm the god damn problem.

Nhung, no.

That doesn't make sense. I'm surrounded by immortals, how am I meant to not think about it? What am I supposed to do, ditch James and Ilse and live in a cave until I die? Come on. I'm not Director Rydderech. And even he's immortal! See what I mean? Everyone here gets to live forever except me. Harry told me. He found out what was in the injections they were giving him and the others after every Breach.

So yes, I am concerned about my mortality, Nhung. What am I meant to do? I don't want to leave James and Ilse behind. Wanna know what the even worse part is, Nhung? My family is prone to Alzheimers. So there is a good chance that as I get older, I won't even be able to remember them. And they'll get to watch me deteriorate from a wheelchair until I eventually forget how to breathe. If I even make it that far.

So again, what am I supposed to do?

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts before, and I am as far removed from that headspace as you could possibly conceive. I simply have too much to live for. I haven't even married Ilse yet.

Yes.

Yes.

I know. I always take my meds. Even if they make me feel like I'm a zombie sometimes, I always take them. And I appreciate your kindness, Nhung, but I don't know if there's anything anyone can do. After all, nobody is truly immortal.

Right.

I'll stop bumming you out now. Besides, I'm sure James has Valeria crawling up the walls by now. Yes. I'll grab the meds from the pharmacy before the day is out.

Thank you.

Have a wondertastic day.



ssri.png







Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License