Up The Cuts
2026
11 February
Massachusetts General Hospital: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
The frightened diplomat met the brave Weaver, who bestowed upon them a badge of bravery. This gesture filled them with courage to take on their first task.
"I'll take the bad news first," Jay grimaced, standing perfectly still in Dr. Valeria Echevaria's private office.
"It's definitely cancer." Valeria said.
Time seemed to slow down as she replied. Milliseconds turned to minutes. Centiseconds turned to days. Deciseconds turned to years. It felt like an entire geological age took place between Valeria's statement and Jay's reply.
"What?" Jay replied absently. They had heard perfectly well, but their brain still hadn't caught up to the news.
Jay focused in on the folder Valeria was holding. Their name was written on the tab, but underneath it, barely legibly under the scratched out red pen was "Justine", one of the few reminders of their previous life that haunted them today.
"Jay?" She reached forward, letting her glasses fall onto her chest, still attached via a chain. She put down the folder face-down on the desk, then moved her hand to touch Jay's own, which she stroked gently. "Did you hear me?"
"Yes. Cancer."
"That's only the bad news. We still have the good news to get to, Jay."
What could possibly be good about this? It was a reminder of their own mortality. They would not be around for James and Ilse forever. They would die one day, and all that would remain would be some papers in their name and some memory in James and Ilse's minds. And who even knew if those two would truly make it to the end of time?
This wasn't their first brush with death. They had considered suicide many years ago, and also pondered the danger they were in for being close to Site-43 as recently as two years ago. Suicidal ideation wasn't going to get them anywhere now, though. They couldn't do that — James and Ilse relied on them. But this as going to put them in an early grave, it seemed.
"Jay?" Valeria said, snapping them out of their trance.
"Sorry, I'm just… thinking."
"Did you hear what I said?"
"No."
"The good news is that its Grade and Stage 1, and only in the left breast. It can be treated with a lumpectomy or mastectomy," Valeria smiled, patting Jay's hand soothingly. "Now the choice is yours. You can go with either lump or mast."
"What's the difference?" Jay replied, still a bit hazy.
"Lumpectomies are focused on preserving the breast. Mastectomies, well, you already know." She retracted her hand, picking up her crutch and standing before rounding out the desk toward Jay. Valeria put her left hand on Jay's shoulder as she reached for something behind her with her right. "The choice is yours."
"I… I don't know." Jay turned to face Valeria as she grabbed a pamphlet from her shelf — it was a Foundation-branded women's health information pamphlet, specifically about breast cancer. The thing was gaudy and pink, and had a group of women laughing in the front. Ridiculous. Valeria handed it to her, smile on her face.
"I know you may not be a fan of the branding, especially considering your gender situation, but that pamphlet has a number you can call to schedule your surgery."
Jay sighed.
"It's not that, it's just… I haven't told Ilse yet."
"You should." Valeria's shrill voice resounded in the small office as she clicked and clacked her way back to her chair. "Having a partner's support can make a world of difference."
"You said your husband had a double mastectomy right?"
"That's right," she nodded.
"Can you arrange for us to talk? I — I want to know what it's like."
"Of course, Jay. When works for you?"
"Not tomorrow. I have to fly down to Boston again for something that I took on as my problem."
"Took it on from your former assistant, huh?" She smirked.
Jay smiled wryly.
19 March
Massachusetts General Hospital: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
The frightened diplomat met the brave Weaver, who bestowed upon them a second badge of bravery. This gesture filled them with courage to take on their second task.
Having managed to squeeze themselves out of a meeting with Director Blank, Jay found themselves in the Habitation and Sustenance cafeteria closest to Janitorial and Maintenance. They poured themselves a coffee, added sugar and steaming milk to make a cafe con leche, and took a seat. There were a few people, mostly J&M workers, but Valeria was nowhere to be seen. They took a sip of their cafe con leche and thought about James and Ilse.
Before they could stew too long to form a coherent thought spiral, however, someone sat across from them.
"Hey," said the man across from them. He was squat and small, had light brown skin, broad shouldered, and had twin-braided, dark, sumptuous hair and a small mustache. He wore a J&M hi-vis vest and hat and boots.
"Hi." Jay replied, scanning them. "Are you, uh, River Mato?"
"River? No. I'm Robert Goldenkrantz," he answered, expression unreadable.
"Oh, sorry." Jay flushed, sinking into their drink.
"River is probably in Torosyan's office."
"Thank you." Jay nodded, getting up and grabbing their cafe con leche. They were almost at the threshold before the same man laughed.
"Ha, I got you good, Doctor Everwood."
Jay stopped and turned to face him.
"Pardon?"
"You PhDs believe anything anyone tells you. I'm River Mato. Valeria's husband." He offered a jagged smile, standing and approaching them. "Sorry for lying to you, doc. I just like messing with the eggheads. I would shake your hand, but it looks to me like you meet the 50% of arms statistic perfectly."
"Sorry, I… wow," Jay blinked, shocked. "I didn't expect you to be Valeria's husband."
"Why is that? Think I'm too good for her? I'm a married man, doc, and if anything, my wife is too good for me," he laughed heartily. "Come on, let's go sit down. I've been on my feet all day." River led Jay back to the seating arrangements, and encouraged them to sit. Before they could sit, they took a whiff of the aromas of the cafeteria and took off for the mess line, saying; "Wait for me, doc. I gotta get my grub on."
Jay sat there in silence, completely taken by surprise. They watched as River chatted up the workers behind the counter, earning himself scooping after scooping of food. Before he could get to the end of the line and scan his ID, Jay noticed a click-clacking approaching, signalling Valeria had finally joined them.
"Sorry I was late, Billie Forsythe called me in for a second opinion," she grunted, sitting down and placing her crutch across her lap.
"I… is your husband always so spirited?" Jay turned to face her.
"Heh. He's a sweetheart," Valeria smiled.
A few moments later, River returned with double servings of vodka sauce pasta and Swedish meatballs on his tray. He also held three forks.
"I got enough for Val and I, but if you want to sneak some, doc, you're welcome to do so," he winked at Jay.
"No, thank you River. And please, call me Jay."
"Whatever you say, doc," he instantly replied, handing a fork to Valeria. "Dig in, my Unkistapi."
"Si, mi amor." Valeria nodded, picking at a meatball.
Jay smiled. It was always nice to see a couple being affectionate together. It reminded them of their relationship with Ilse. They felt bad, not having told her about their diagnosis, but it could not be stressed how little they wanted to worry her. It was bad enough they were mortal, and Ilse had only recently just accepted to love them, mortality or not.
"Doc, my wife here tells me you wanted to know what it's like to have your tits cut off of you," River said between mouthfuls of pasta.
"In so many words," Jay replied, taking a sip of their cafe con leche.
"Well, they put you under so you don't feel anything. And then when you wake up, boom. Flat as a board. It really took a huge weight off my chest."
Valeria chuckled.
"Only thing that sucked was the three weeks after dealing with drains and such."
Valeria chuckled again.
"And now I can finally sleep on my chest. Not that I do — I'm a snorer — so I sleep on my side. Doctor's orders," he looked over at his wife and winked.
"Drains? That's part of the post-surgical care, right?" Jay asked, everything River said completely going over their head.
"Come on, doc, I'm trying here," he frowned, cheeks full of meatballs and pasta. "But yes."
"Gotcha. And you can't do any physically straining movement, with your upper body, right?"
"Yup. Hurts like a mother fucker after the surgery for a while, too."
"I had to take a few weeks off of work to help him with pill bottles, getting dressed, and everything else." Valeria chimed in. "So you really should consider telling Ilse."
Jay sighed.
"Do you regret it, River?" Jay leaned in, gripping their cup.
"Not one bit."
"Tell them why, mi amor." Valeria urged him.
"Not only was it basic gender-affirming care, it was also a relief to get those ticking time bombs off of me." River nodded, pausing to burp.
"River," she scolded.
"Sorry. Cancer runs in my birth family. I was adopted, but I was able to find my birth parents via a PI before I started working for the Foundation. Heh. I did always find it funny that my white as sheets 'parents' had a Shakopee Mdewakanton Sioux baby."
"Thank you, River, thank you, Valeria." Jay smiled. "I think I'm going to go forward with the mastectomy. I just need to find the courage to tell Ilse."
Grand Cove: Grand Bend, Lambton County, Ontario, Canada
Nighttime found the Everwood-Reynders household shrouded in a veil of silence. James had since gone to sleep, leaving Jay and Ilse reading by nightstand light on their bed. Jay had long been anguished over this, tormenting themselves on how and when to tell Ilse. Milo seemed to pick up on this, and was favoring them recently.
"What is it?" Ilse asked, thumbing the page of her book to hold her place. She turned to face Jay.
"Huh?" Jay blinked.
"You were staring," she smiled gently.
"Just thinking about how beautiful you are," they said.
"Don't lie to me, Jay. I know something is up."
"What?"
"Milo has been tasking on you every time we're together. Have your meetings with Harry been that stressful?" Ilse frowned, leaning over to place a hand on their cheek with their free hand.
"I—"
"I know you probably can't tell me. Some sort of confidential secret level thing. But know that I am always here for you, okay, love?"
Jay sighed. They loved the way her sapphire eyes reflected in the low light. They loved the way her pale skin shone. They loved the way her red hair was always perfectly bobbed. They loved how she didn't need to sleep, but still enjoyed the weird pantomime of resting she did every night. In short, Jay loved Ilse.
I need to be brave.
"I know, hon."
I can't.
11 April
Massachusetts General Hospital: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
The frightened diplomat met the brave Weaver, who no longer needed his badges of bravery, having overcome his ultimate challenge. He let the frightened diplomat have all of his marks of bravery, and wandered off to whence he came.
This time, the no-longer frightened diplomat would be sure to complete their ultimate challenge.
12 April
Grand Cove: Grand Bend, Lambton County, Ontario, Canada
Jay sat on the porch of their bungalow, phone in hand. It was 1:00 AM, and they had just returned from their final visit to Boston. They looked down to their chest, where a band aid with a stag beetle on it rested above their left breast. They fired up their phone, and shot out a text.
Valeria E.
Hey, Valeria, sorry to bother you so late. Are you up?
I'm a night owl, so you're not bothering me. What's up, Jay?
I'm back home. I think I'm finally brave enough to tell Ilse.
That's great!
Yeah.
I could use that little extra push, though.
Jay, from what you have told me of your relationship with Dr. Reynders, you two are an ideal couple and I think she is going to love and support you no matter what happens. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Thank you, Valeria. You're a true friend.
They glanced once more at their Hercules beetle bandaid and smiled. Jay unlocked the door and walked in, making their way toward their bedroom. Milo perked his head up but laid it back down as soon as he saw it was them. Ilse was in a meditative trance, her glasses beside her on the table.
"Ilse," Jay said, stirring her.
"Huh? Wha? Jay?" She blinked, grabbing her glasses and putting them on. "What time is it? It's dark."
"I have something to tell you, Ilse."
"What is it?" She winced, fearing the worst.
"I… Remember how a month ago you asked me what was wrong? And you thought it was something to do with Harry and the meetings?"
"Yeah?" Ilse raised an eyebrow, folding her arms across her chest.
"I have breast cancer."
"You — Huh?! Jeetje!" Ilse exclaimed, standing and embracing Jay in tears. "Jay I'm so sorry! There's treatments for that. I know it's come a long way since I was in the ADDC, but I don't know the details. We can research things. We can find o—"
"Ilse."
"Jay, how can you be so calm?!" She roared, tears erupting from her eyes. Milo leaped into action, putting his paw on Ilse's hip and whining.
"I scheduled a double mastectomy for next week. I'm going to have my breasts removed. It's early enough that they can just get rid of it by operating like that."
"You… okay." Ilse sniffled. "I'm sorry for overreacting. I just… why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry you, my love. You and James are eternal, and I am a mayfly compared to you."
"I don't care, Jay. I love you. You should have told me."
Milo whined again, repeating the same pawing motion.
"Thank you, Milo," Ilse turned to the service dog, petting him and relaxing a bit, also getting him to ease off his tasking.
"Ilse, I just don't know how to feel about all this," they cried. "I got this disease that mostly affects women, and yet, I am not a woman! Sure, I may not be a man, but still! Do you know how invalidating this feels?"
"I don't think you're being fair to yourself. You can't control the circumstances of your birth," Ilse replied, looking between Milo and Jay.
"I know, but—" Jay was interrupted by a thought; 'What would Valeria say?' They sighed. "Sorry. That wasn't very inclusive of me. But… I have no excuse. Just like I have no excuse for no telling you about the diagnosis. I'm sorry, Ilse. I was being selfish."
"Damn right you were," she scoffed. "But we are going to face this together. As a couple."
15 May
Grand Cove: Grand Bend, Lambton County, Ontario, Canada
After what felt like an eternity of drains, follow-ups, pain, and check-ins with Valeria, Billie, and all the other staff of the Site-43 medical wing, Jay was finally cleared to resume normal life, though still taking it easy.
Explaining a double mastectomy to James hadn't been as complicated as they and Ilse thought. He was a smart kid, after all. And of course, the couple's friends had all stopped by wishing Jay well and visiting them after work hours. It was also nice to not have to worry about those meetings with Harry for a while, but Jay didn't dread their return.
The future was bright, and full of possibility.
